Do you remember
Five years ago
When we frist met
In the park
I was jogging
You are walking with your dog
We didn't say anything to each other
Just nodding our heads
And going our separate ways
Then one day
You came to my doorstep
Asking me
Why I wasn't in the park jogging?
Why I left you hanging?
Why?
Why?
So many whys
My head is hurting
I tell you to be quiet
I have a headache and a cold
you finally are quiet
Smiling at me
You say "I'll make you feel better"
A knife is what you get out
Start to stab me is what you do
Everytime you stab me
You keep on saying
"You shouldn't have left me hanging"
I shouldn't have left you hanging
Repeat every single word
Until I lose my breath
Now five years later
You are in jail for life
I still want to ask
Why oh why
Did you kill me for
I'm only 21
I still have a life
Ahead of me
I still have so many plans
And a funeral is no where near it
A contest entry
- Serial Killers? Dreams? Death? Oh my! by skyviewexpress.
800 points, ended December 24, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Pretty good pretty good. I like the idea of basing the poem off of, "you left me hanging". Brilliant foundation. The poem got a little weak at some points but all in all pretty good. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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You make me really FEEL it
You are quite a story teller!
Know no one like that bad fella.
At least I hope you do not, Snow...
Must be safe everywhere you go!
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i can't even begin to think about what to say with this, i mean really you did a great job on it, keep it flowing
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Wow Snow, this is really good. It's been awhile since i've read something from you but this is really great!!
Michelle
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Bravo
Oh, man, this IS potent stuff! Excellent! Technically superb...perfect voice and perfect transitions, brilliantly conceived...I loved this, your best poem ever! Bravo!!! Bravo!!! BRAVO!!!
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