Mouth smeared with red lipstick, acrylic-tips
My heart cluttered with deceit, cocaine-trips
Give me your heart, I’ll keep it safe
Locked away in the chest of a waif
Glitter-covered eyes and a smile of silver
We can make her better, rebuild her
Trust in me to keep you breathing
I promise to scatter your seething
The lime-green blood pulses in my veins
Listen to the beat my heart contains
Brain frozen, dusted with frost
Incoherence found, sanity lost
Keep me as I keep you
In a cage of sorrow, black and blue
A contest entry
- Options for Everyone - Inspire us! by Porcelain Princess.
385 points, ended April 8, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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this is an awesome poem, i loved the emotion in it
Trust in me to keep you breathing
I promise to scatter your seething
this was my favorite part i love your work keep writing!!
~Ashley~ -
aww.
this is so beautiful.
Mouth smeared with red lipstick, acrylic-tips
My heart cluttered with deceit, cocaine-trips
Give me your heart, I’ll keep it safe
Locked away in the chest of a waif
loved that.
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Nicely written!"Give me your heart, I’ll keep it safe
Locked away in the chest of a waif" Excellent line! -
b.b.baby;;
"Mouth smeared with red lipstick, acrylic-tips
My heart cluttered with deceit, cocaine-trips"
since i stopped doing coke last week...
uummm darling this makes me feel high again..
lovely
face.
it's wonderfilled;
♥
-your glitter queen
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For the first poem of your's that i have read, I'm very impressed, which means i'm gonna read more after this comment is finished. I really enjoyed your rhyme scheme, and your imagery was gorgeous
***Glitter-covered eyes and a smile of silver
We can make her better, rebuild her***
***The lime-green blood pulses in my veins
Listen to the beat my heart contains***
those are my favourite lines!!! Keep up the good work and I believe that you're a fabulous writer...btw ur now on my favourites list (^^)
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Baby, baby, bahby
you are amazing!!!
I love you to death, and this is amazing doll face!!!
"Glitter-covered eyes and a smile of silver
We can make her better, rebuild her
Trust in me to keep you breathing
I promise to scatter your seething
The lime-green blood pulses in my veins
Listen to the beat my heart contains"
love love love it doll
♥♥♥
and of course love you too!
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Oooh, I like it.
"Brain frozen, dusted with frost"
That part really intrigued me. Very alluring. Good write. -
this is interesting. i like it other then that you used fixed rhyme which im not a fan of but i feel you did well with it anyway love. keep at it
[♥]
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Awh suga. That's soo pretty!
xoxo,
You Dumpster Doll -
You should win the contest. I may be bias, but this is amazing! I love your write! I'm a huge fan of yours.
Safely hidden in the darkness,
~ The Rocker who lost all
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that's beautiful...
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The lime-green blood pulses in my veins
Listen to the beat my heart contains
Brain frozen, dusted with frost
Incoherence found, sanity lost
I adorred this part, hunny.
Great poem.
Just one thing. Some of the lines and rhymes sound forced. Just a little though, and for the most part it doesn't take away from the poem.
Welcome to the finalists list, dear.
lovelove;; Glitter
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The lime-green blood pulses in my veins
Listen to the beat my heart contains
love the first line of this
nice one bebe
XXXXXX
moonshine
xx
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Bravissimo.
"Mouth smeared with red lipstick, acrylic-tips
My heart cluttered with deceit, cocaine-trips"
sounds like a couple of nights with me and my chickkis,
i thought this poem was....very entrancing. i instantly wanted to read more with the frist line.
" in a cage of sorrow, black and blue" such a good way to end it. lovely dearest. lovely.
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wow, this is great. I know I say that about most of your poems but thats only because they are.
just simply wow.
I love your poems like I love chocolate. I'm addicted.
(as mad as I sound.)
don't ever stop writing.
luvvs
xx -
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*****
awwwwwwe! thanks, ur so sweet! -
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YEY! I'm sweet!!
lol
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heeheehaha, yes u r vury shweet!
MWAH!!!
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