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Before the Storm Comes

I can feel an earthquake coming
And I know it's getting near
The ground below us cracking
With the thunder made of fear
And now there's no denying,
So don't say you won't, my dear
I just need to tell you something now
Before you disappear

There's a hurricane that's coming
I can see it blow our way
In the trees the stars are hanging
And they're starting to decay
Is there still a use in trying,
When I know that you won't stay?
Can I just tell you something now,
Before you go away?

Could you please say what you're thinking,
Or say when you'll shut the door?
'Cause the dark clouds aren't leaving
And my eyes are getting sore
My pleading may be boring,
Full of words you might ignore
'Cause I'm pretty sure you've heard this
Just a thousand times before...

The stars that are returning
Have no shine and can't compare
The sky just keeps on cracking
And it never will repair
But I've never seen it glowing,
Until you came, I swear
So I'll smile 'till it starts falling
Because soon you won't be there

Author notes

March 27, 2007... I had been snooping into my girlfriend's business (which I am NOT proud of, because getting into people's personal shit is mean)... I found some messages she sent to her ex... Let's just say I didn't want to find them... Then she told me not to worry about it because her ex still wanted her and she was just trying to be nice.. So I ignored it, but I knew they were still talking and I felt like something was wrong... I'm not sure how long she's gonna stay with me now... All I can do now try to make her smile as much as I can while she's still here.

(Epilogue to this little story (This happened after I wrote the poem): She spent the night with me today... I told her what I found and I started crying... then she told me it was okay and she said “Babe, look at me” so I looked her in the eyes and she said “I’m not going to leave you, I promise”)

Option 14♥- Give me your BEST PREWRITE

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • Warrior-Eagle
    September 23, 2007
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    Aw.THis is so cute.

  • Ray Von
    August 26, 2007
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    Certainly worth reading!!! Some of the rhyming, I felt, was a bit forced, but you did a good job, it really flowed!!
    Many phrases were very strong: 4th line of first verse, 3rd line of second verse and the whole of the last verse!
    Aww, I'm so happy that it worked out in the end. I enjoyed reading the author notes!!
    Thank you for entering,
    Maria


  • perfectsunset
    August 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was an excellent poem, and perfectly described. I loved the imagery and emotions. Great write! Best of luck, and thanks for entering my contest

  • Riftkin gold member
    August 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    So I'll smile 'till it starts falling
    Because soon you won't be there

    no one is there forever

  • LadysDragon
    August 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very good,and no offense,I dont think it was right to snoop thou,but at least you knew that.Thank you and goodluck!

  • islekine
    August 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Needless to say...

    It's quite worthy...
    Thanks for entering...
    *PEACE*


  • IndividualEleven
    July 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    nice imagery and nice use of rhymes and punctuation, also strong ending, enjoyed this read, thanks for entering! - Jacen.

  • hilly
    July 27, 2007

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    Wow, you entered this in a LOT of contests. But I think that's good, because I've been clearing out entries that I don't like or don't think will place in my contest and, unfortunately, this is one of those pieces. Good luck in the others though.

  • Taxing Minds
    July 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    What a heart-wrenching poem. This one packed a punch, good job

  • N.W. Clerk silver member
    July 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the flow, and the exceptional imagery throughout the poem! I was swept up in urgency from the first few lines, and rode it out anxiously from the edge of my seat. Great write!


  • Midnight-x-Rose
    July 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice use of expression here... Yes, before it does come. Kind of reminds me of a Beatles (I think) track about a Hurricane hitting the side of America.

  • Deindichter
    July 17, 2007
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    Good metaphor employed in this poem, I always like to see more caesura or dramatic pauses in order to give the poem more of a natural feel, when allowed to read without end, the reader at times trips over ideas and misbegets points you make. Either way, powerful piece, good luck in this contest and all the other contests this poem is entered into.

  • Florida Sunshine gold member
    July 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like how you wrote this... You did a beautiful job! it reaches in and touches your soul.

    Thanks so much for entering the contest, I wish you the best of luck. Nice job.

  • She Has My Heart
    June 27, 2007

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    That was absolutely amazing! Such a brilliant write, and I can completely relate...knowing an argument is on the horizon, just hoping it won't come, or feeling that someone is going to leave you in a maelstrom (I love that word) of emotion. This flowed so perfectly, in fact, I think this would make a really good song, it doesn't even need any work done to it! I liked it even more than the first one I read and that was awesome! Well done on the trophies, keep up the great work and take care x

  • Raven Judge
    June 9, 2007

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    Just three minor notes on flow before I get into what I think of this piece (all suggestions for you to consider):

    Line 7: Eliminate the word "now."
    Line 15: Same thing, the word "now" hangs the flow.
    Line 19: Add the word "just" between "clouds" and "aren't"

    This piece really reminded me of CCR's "Bad Moon Rising," a song I have grown up with and always enjoyed. There is no strain to be powerful in this piece - because there is no need for it. You manage to accomplish your message in a flowing, harmonic way that employs a connection between nature and love that is as fluid and accurate as it is meaningful.

    Lines 11 and 12 are the heartbeat of this piece "In the trees the stars are hanging / And they're starting to decay." It is almost impossible to take execption to this work and still enjoy much of the popular music that is available today.

    You've managed to completely overcome the two major obstacles that could otherwise stand as valid critique for this piece. Those being, its repetition and its lack of progress. In the former, you avoid using the same words over and over again and instead express sentiment that is alike to the rest of the piece, but not identical. The flow cleans up any remainder of the argument (this might very well be terrible as free verse). In the later sense, I don't think anyone reading this piece should be very intersted in the fact that it doesn't progress... it isn't intended to. The author is stuck in a sort of melancholy state, and all that is left (like the blues) is to make it sound good.

    This is a worthwhile entry and one that suits my tastes as an almost guilty pleasure. Thanks for the submission.

    ~Das


  • Porcelain Princess
    June 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautifully sad write, and I'm glad that everything worked out. Great work, this is precisely what I was looking for.

  • Heavenly Angel
    June 5, 2007
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    One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is that the past is the past and that's where it needs to stay
    I'm by far not one to give advice but I think you should concentrate on the here and now and not what is past
    Thank you for sharing your poetry

  • NickelleteXninja
    June 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Will You Marry Me??

    hahaha i HAD to sy that... now you'll see why

    'Is there still a use in trying,
    When I know that you won't stay?
    Can I just tell you something now,
    Before you go away?'
    I'm engaged 9nothing to do with why i asked you that ?) and i ask and nag all the time with this, simply because i get very paranoid.

    so i can relate

    'And my eyes are getting sore
    My pleading may be boring,
    Full of words you might ignore'

    God is this ever the feeling that seeps into your body

    'The stars that are returning
    Have no shine and can't compare
    The sky just keeps on cracking
    And it never will repair
    But I've never seen it glowing,
    Until you came, I swear
    So I'll smile 'till it starts falling
    Because soon you won't be there '

    this was a finishing touch. touche to you.... This whole poem was just utterly beautiful...

    now for the ? above
    I asked 'cause this girl (*if a true story) is simply overly lucky to have a man like you whom is so in love that his feelings are not just expressed bby poetry but by TEARS!! only real men can cry over love

    Oh yea i almpost forgot the imagery and the comparisons... very well done with them as well- i dont think i need to expalin them 'cause I'm sure yu know what I mean

    Oh and I like how out of all the love poems I've ever read or that I've ever wrote this one is so unique... its not like every thing else you ever read


    thanks for entering and good luck


    • AutumnsFlame
      June 5, 2007
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      OMG.... Sorry hun, but I am in NO WAY a man! I'm a 16-year old lesbian girl, and no, I'd rather not marry you because I'm pretty serious with my girlfriend... haha... thank you for your kind words though.

  • keanes
    May 1, 2007
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    nice

    Wow - This is so beautiful - great write - Thanks for entering!

  • Vera Jewel
    April 14, 2007
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    Thank you for entering

  • Heavens Child
    April 7, 2007

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    I think you've done an incredible job with the metaphor. I love the rhyme scheme and the flow is flawless. The emotion is so deep, I could just feel your heart aching with every word. Awesome write.

  • fool no1
    April 4, 2007
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    Lovely rhyme and flow where the feelings emerge freely from your words. Good luck...mal

  • WhenWillsCollide
    April 3, 2007

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    *deeply inhales and thinks of something to say that wont injustify the lovely poem*

    FANTASTIC write, my dear!
    I really enjoyed the ryhme scheme in this poem for it was precisely what i was looking for! teh flow went uninterupted throught the entire poem. I also liked the metaphor used in this poem. it is an uncommon metaphor used, and made the mood of the overall write beautiful!

    "The stars that are returning
    Have no shine and can't compare
    The grey sky just keeps on cracking
    And it never will repair
    But I've never seen it glowing,
    Until you came, I swear
    So I'll smile 'till it starts falling
    Because soon you won't be there"

    my fav of the stanzas-
    this particular part is cleverly written. it really makes me think. i love the way it is written tho-- its...wicked in a way!

    you have mastered my task!
    GREAT WRITE and good luck in the contest ( i may also add that you do not need it)


  • amid unnaked things
    March 31, 2007

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    Whew, you were worrying me there for a second! I'm glad it all has a happy ending. Your rhyme scheme is really fantastic in this poem; it's very unique and I don't think I've read one like this. I also like how your topic revolved around storms (earthquakes, hurricanes). I don't know why (probably the sappy love story part inside of me), but I really enjoyed these lines:

    But I've never seen it glowing,
    Until you came, I swear

    Great work, thank you for entering my contest, and good luck!

    Cassie

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