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Your Time

Your eyes showed me just how much pain you were in,   
The light that was there was beginning to dim,
The love that you gave was there till the end,
So your life, your soul to heaven I send,

Goodbye my angel and think of me when,
You gallop and run so free again,
no pain in your body, just love in your heart,
It wont be forever, that we are apart



Author notes

adarkling

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • Kathraina silver member
    August 11
    Edit | Reply
    Very good rhyme and flow here!
    I love the raw emotions here, they're very relateable.
    Bravo



    ♥ Kate


  • Thoughts-of-Soloman
    September 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think this conveys the sentiment held for a dear companion very well.

    The rhythm is reminiscent of a galloping movement, which is most appropriate, I think. However I'm uncertain whether this was intentional on your part because there are a couple of places where this breaks down a little bit.

    To my mind this could work better with a couple of small and subtle changes similar to these, plus breaks Hope you don't mind me suggesting and obviously take or leave:

    Your eyes showed me just
    how much pain you were in,
    The light that was there
    was beginning to dim,

    The love that you gave
    was (still) there till the end,
    So your life, your soul
    to heaven I send,

    Goodbye my angel
    think of me when,
    You gallop (to) run
    so free(ly) again,

    no pain in your body,
    just love in your heart,
    It wont be forever,
    that we('ll be) apart

    All the best to you, this is a very nice tribute and I'm sure to a very fine animal.

    Sol


  • Mc25
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the first stanza best, it was a bit short, but i applaud your ability to pack that much power into such a short piece.


  • Riftkin gold member
    July 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Your eyes showed me just how much pain you were in,
    The light that was there was beginning to dim,


    sums up the feelings of one in love watching as they lose a love one


  • Taxing Minds
    July 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Great write and thanks for the entry.


  • Ilma
    July 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Short but sweet, I love horses personally, and it's always so hard to let a beloved animal go, but it's for the best. Just wish that was possible for humans too haha, I loved the rhyme in this, best of luck


  • ultimate beluga
    July 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is sweet, great rhyming! thanks for entering!


  • mborda
    July 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Awww!

    This reminds me of my Rohan, a Belgian I had to put down at only 3. He was an amazing horse with such a wonderfully warm personality. My heart goes out to you! Monique


  • aeolia
    July 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You actually did well with rhyming, and for that, you get applause because I don't ever expect much from anyone on this site.

    Thanks for entering my contest, and good luck!


  • MeaningfulPoet482
    July 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is sad but beautiful. It gave me goosebumps. You'll see your horse again I'm sure of it.


  • parasol
    July 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very nice tribute to your horse. Losing an animal is always very difficult. I’m sorry for your loss. This was very well written. Thank you for your entry. Good luck in my contest.
    - Andi


  • reckless abandon
    July 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love this poem, its sweet, sad, and feeling. This is very well written, the flow, rhythm, and rhyme are perfect. Thanks much for entering the contest!

    -KP]


  • frankey
    July 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Aw my eyes are filling up having read that. this is a lovely poem and if writing it helped you to release some of the pain then it was all worthwhile. Any creature that we love and whom love us would not want us to mourn for to long but to remember with joy.


  • AngelDreamer
    April 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    it is verry beautiful and i'm sorry for your loss thank you for entering and good luck


  • XXBrunettexBarbieXX
    April 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was a really great write...i really enjoyed reading this poem..it flowed perfectly and beautifully..your words were very powerful and strong as well keep writting your very taleted

    ~Chrissy~


  • Lady-Pegasus
    April 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your contest submission as well as for following the rules. A sweet and tender tribute to a love one that has passed on. the flow is simple and a great compliment to the tenderness in this piece. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *


  • D-niecee
    April 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this paints a wonderful pic in my mind I think that it flowed nicely and was well written.


  • Dark Whispers
    April 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    you did not put the option you x=chose in the authors box, but you have till the end the contest ( until it closes to do so.

  • Sweet musings
    April 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    AWWW LOSTING A PET IS JUST SO HARD. MO MATTER WHAT ANIMAL IT IS YOU LOVE THEM LIKE A HUMAN MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY. WHEN THE TIME HAS COME TO LET THEM GO IT IS HEARTBREAKING. BUT WE SEE THEIR PAIN AND WE KNOW IT IS TIME. THIS WAS A VERY TOUCHING EMOTIONAL WRITE. GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST.


  • Lactar Wolfgang
    April 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a sad and emotional poem. A hard peice to read while swallowing the lump in my throat. I feel this was a great poem and a awesome job thank you for entering


  • ObliviousReality
    April 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Aww how sad. Yet another beautiful piece. I loved it. Short and complex. Wonderful job ma'dear. Thank you for entering, and good luck


  • Amaranth Dihdzere
    March 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was heart touching and i love horses so this affected me in a good way.I love the second paragraph.well later and let your horse run free forever.
    SEE NO EVIL,HEAR NO EVIL,SPEAK NO EVIL.


  • Heavens Child
    March 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oh my god, this is so beautiful, I am so sorry for your loss. I've lost a pet myself that I loved very much. This is a beautiful tribute to your horse.

1 - 23 of 23