im so stuck in my thoughts
i cant think
ahead
cant move on cant laugh cant think...
only remember
memories
that are stuck in my head
they repeat themselves like
every day repeats itself
the sun setting and rising every day again
but for what purpose?
I have only memories
torturing my mind
of you of us of that what could have been
should have been...
could have been?
but wasn't to be
I have only questions
if only I stayed
I trusted my bad feeling
and maybe I was right
but I gave up on you and me
and on my heart
and now my heart
refuses to let me move
on
with my life
with my thoughts
with myself
what could have been...
what should have been...
could it have been?
a repetition of questions
and memories
stuck in my thoughts
Oh I'm so stuck
with you in my mind
Author notes
the longer im without my girl, the more i start to doubt about what could have been, hadn't I made the decision that I couldnt stay. I still think I had no choice, but the questions nonetheless remain.. and i cant get it out of my head
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Wow!! Thanks for a great read, I was moved to tears when reading this fine work of outstanding brilliance. I don't think a day will now pass when I do not sneak a peek atthis poem - yes I've printed it off and will keep it next to my heart always - the lyricism, the angst the apperception and shimmering inscape. The externalising pof the instress has a kind of juxtaposed energy pattern - drawing the reader towards the Nirvana you have created with this masterpiece in perception. Thank you Thank you Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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I sense a slight sarcastic undertone in your comment, but I could be mistaken...
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ahh
You expressed your frustration very well.good job
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this was touching indeed!above all the technical sugestions, some PUNCTUATION will add a lot to the general rhythm
the message is quite challanging because I can bet on 200$+ 2 beers that 4 out of 6 readers will identify themselves with this or a similar situation...hmmm....quite confusing though...too many questions and I smell some fear of answering to them...hmmmm...it might be my nose but give yourself some insight and do some changes/rethinkings
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Exactly beautiful. I've been in the same place.
"they repeat themselves like
every day repeats itself
the sun setting and rising every day again"
So true and such beautiful lines...your writing is so much from the heart. I can't help myself from loving it. My heart, too, refuses to let me move on...you have it exactly right here. Wow...amazing poem and..so close to my heart.
Another amazing piece...keep on writing
Lizz -
Love it! I know this exact feeling.. my boyfriend and I broke up cause we went to different schools, but for the next few weeks I kept doubting my decision. I know its hard, but its good that you went with your gut feeling.. if it was meant to be, it will be. I love the repetition of the lines "what could have been.../what should have been.../could it have been?"
Its so true.. Theres so much feeling in this poem. I love it.
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I know how you feel. I'm in that same boat along with many people I'm sure
what could have been...
what should have been...
could it have been?
I love how you repeated it because it adds to the idea. I think of that all the time. Its sad though when it begins running your life. My relationship ended on a good note with bad reasons and were still friends and now my life is run by when I can see him or talk to him and so on. How I wanted it how it could have been and so on. Maybe we should all get out of this boat and help eachother swim to the shore away from these questions? But then again maybe the water is those questions and they'll only consume us
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Honestly, from the little I've studied and from what I've been subjected to, as poetry this isn't very good. In a scholastic sense.
Honestly, from my own point of view I fucking loved it. Excuse the vulgarity. Lines 31-33 were probably my favorite with 33 being the best when it becomes a question.
This piece reminded me of the internal eternal ramblings that often happen within my own mind. I couldn't establish it in writing, and for some reason you doing so has given me some relief. Odd, I know, but thank you for sharing this. -
BEAUTIFUL
this so came from your heart... whether you meant it to or not. I hate when writer's think too much. But this was beautiful. I especially loved how you would keep asking "... could (it) have been?" Good job. i likey. n no, i dont find it confusing at all. so dont sweat it.
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