Alone in her room she lies awake in bed. No one can hear the thoughts in her head. No one can feel the pain in her heart. She lowers the book she was intently reading as a familiar feeling begins to creep over her. Many nights have ended like this. The inner shivering that overtakes her as her heart deeply aches. This dark and hollow feeling consumes her and yet she craves the tears as they swell in her eyes and then stream down her cheek.
She’s uncertain as to what brought on this sudden wave of pain. Not surprising.
It doesn’t really matter though. Once it’s begun it’s nearly impossible to stop. It’s best if she lets it run its course, draining her emotions and thoughts as the venomous ice flows through her veins.
It’s so powerful… in some ways addicting. She never wishes to feel this way but once the first signs present themselves she makes no effort to ward them off.
And so she lays there, a prisoner of her own depression. She knows she is the cause of her own misery, but she cannot pull herself out of it. A part of her doesn’t want to. At least when she feels this way, she does just that…feels. She’s alive inside though a sense of dread fills her soul. It’s all she’s ever known…that’s a lie. She once felt happy and truly enjoyed life. But things have changed. She has changed. She now thrives on darkness and pain, but while this may be true she does not cause physical harm to herself. She’s not like that. It’s all emotional pain for her; it’s stronger than the pain of physical wounds anyway.
She knows it will pass, it always does. But it doesn’t make it any easier to experience it. And while she realizes that the feeling will eventually fade, she also knows that it will return with such vigor once again. It always returns.
She wipes the burning tears from her eyes after she’s stopped shaking. She rests her head as she grips her pillow tightly, for it’s the only thing she can hold. There are nights she pretends that the soft, cool pillow she hugs is actually her imaginary lover. Sometimes it brings her some comfort. Other times it only makes it worse.
Why can’t she at least have those wonderful dreams she use to have? Maybe she does, but if that’s the case then she is never allowed to remember them. She only remembers nightmares. And the way her mind is constantly racing, she remembers many.
After what seems like hours she finally wears herself down enough to drift into sleep. The fan cools her tear-stained cheeks and her eyes slowly close. She’s made it through another night…
Author notes
something I just went with...may continue this later
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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a very sad poem , emotional pain is very hard , keep writing your feelings out if it helps you , I have weitten alot of dark poems too , and I understand about pain
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"It’s all emotional pain for her; it’s stronger than the pain of physical wounds anyway." That is soooo true. Emotional pain just doesn't seem to abate...and you can't kill it with pain killers...nice job.
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Powerful
This was incredibly powerful. The settling of the depressive state, you've described the feelings and emotions wrapped up in it perfectly. All the emotional scaring caused by depression the pain of feeling so trapped in and alone and that you are essentially locked into your self and there's nothing people can outwardly see so they dont step in and help. FANTASTIC!
~A Heart's Hope Lies With Belladonna~ -
What do I think?
Hmmm I think I have very mixed feelings about this write. I think it's lack of any kind of poetical form makes it more of a prose than a poem. As a prose it's very well written. It's deffinatly jam-packed with emotion and feeling. I personally enjoyed the first four I guess paragraphs more than the rest of it, for the simple reason that it seems to me a more acurate description of pain, and not so cliche either. It's very original and riveting. The rest I felt was not quite as interesting. The feeling of depression comes through strongly and the descriptions were beautiful.
"The inner shivering that overtakes her as her heart deeply aches. This dark and hollow feeling consumes her and yet she craves the tears as they swell in her eyes and then stream down her cheek."
That was my favorite part Well written! Well done!
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Thanks for your comment. This wasn't meant to be a poem. I just started writing and decided to see where it went. I drew on feelings felt before. I'll take your words into consideration if I continue this piece.
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The haunting of depression is a hard and often relentless poltergeist. Its the pain that has been tucked away deep in the subconscious battering its way back out. We all have to tuck it away in there to cope with our darkest hours in life but sometimes we have to let it out. Weither it be by friend's ear or by writing such as this, it helps to let it out. You did just that in deep description here.
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Thank you, I do use my poetry and anything I write as a kind of therapy. I also talk to at least one person so I do let it out as you say. Again, thanks for your feedback.
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