(and things were so perfect...why'd you have to go and bring me down again? the world was rising but the pull of your gravity sent it hurtling to the black hole, the void, where all is dark and supermassive. the ink has long since dried but from somewhere deep within the sixth dimension the blood still spills in ways beyond what we call physics; you just can't understand with a human mind. the oh-so-telling attraction only fizzles out after a day or two anyways, so comprehension is only secondary to the feeling of it all. tension can build almost indefinitely, but the laws of the universe demand that some day i will snap and when that moment comes the seams will split and life as we know it will come to an end. words are the most dangerous things you have so i would urge you to use them carefully. any thoughtlessness on your part could be the end of it all so watch your every move; i know i will be. you should probably consider your intent...
oblivion is not far off.)
Author notes
I wrote this on February 24th.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I think my favorite part of this is the part near the beginning, when you're talking about the ink and the blood spilling. I guess that's just really vivid, and I think its a really good example of outstanding writing.
I can relate to this. It reminds me of things from far, far back, a past I dont like to remember, but that lives on. I'm sorry that you feel these things, too.
I also like the part where you're talking about how you will snap, and the lines around that part. I think it's really good stream of consciousness writing--it keeps going, it feels random, yet it fits together perfectly. This while piece is like a mosiac, and you seem to have put together a short masterpiece.
Towards the end the stream of consciousness seems to sort of turn back into regular sentences. I dont know if this is purposeful or not; it works, but I would say the last few lines are more "normal" sentences.
I do like the ending line, a lot. It ties things together well, like everything you just said is pouring into that little five word statement.
I like it! You should definately keep experimenting with this writing form.
~blessings~
~rora

