just a friend's life...

words of... frustration captivates me from the inside out. All the madness.... fuck! When will this stop? all of it. keeps continuing! god. can we begin again? can't they just back off? is it all a lie? life is full of questions but why do my questions make me CRY? A day in the life of me? who wants that? RUN! a word that makes so much sense to me at this moment and time. why? I'll tell you why. because my mind focuses on just that running when it happens. one foot in front of the other. thats all. left. right. left. right. its just that easy. but why can't life be just that easy? your smile can brighten a day but why when you go and do that. what's that? do i know? do you? lets fix this and make it EASY again. fuck! i just want to scream. someone might get hurt. they seem to want him. oh yea. him. well lets see who couldn't fall in love with him he himself can be equally or more frustrating then everything else combined. one little thing can make me spiral into this to much shit then boom. here it is. on a silver platter. my life. uncut. uncensored. my one thing i still haven't quite understood. why does 'i love you'  mean so much and yet again mean so little? San Fran here i come away from my bubble and into the real world. FREEDOM. plus confusion. equals high school drama. two words! FUCK IT! so not worth my tears. but why are they still there rolling down my face? without him i'm nothing, with him i feel like a shadow. hiding myself from what? some girl? hah! i could take her. god frustrating. world confusion. can't sleep. but i can write. make things easy yet again. spots of rage. be my friend. please stop this, i'll take my chances, if i leave tonight. black sky. everything. i see now it's my destiny. things change in the blink of an eye. please don't go. your my rock. my words won't leave. my stepping stones. I want to go back to the day when i found out cooties weren't real and boys became your life. because maybe i could make it last a little bit longer. FOREVER!  that word scares me. more then you could ever imagine. to many times have i heard it mixed with lies. never give up. learn from the mistakes you make and become you. this could all stop with one simple word. DONE! but i'm not. i never will be. you'll be one to say the word. i'll run out of paper. tears fall. people die. things change but i'll move on. with time. TIME heals everything. him. again with HIM. god he doesn't leave my mind. i love him. you want me to leave. fine i'm gone. but i won't stop. i can't stop. does life? never quit. bad patches hurt no lie but why take you away from the rest of the world? if only i could spread my wings and fly away. i'm dying slowly because of him. because of you. just give me the bottle so i can have a drink. just let me go. today when i see you, things won't be the same. why? you can tell me. why do things change? stop all this madness and craziness. sadness. confusion, frustration. his smile. his eyes. does he love me? don't lie. why can't i drop this shield i have over my heart? i just can't fully let him in. i'm afraid. i need him to never leave. as a lover. a friend. just someone around. afraid to move on. afraid to look back. just keep her away. them. all of them. LEAVE. one word none of them seems to understand. we don't want you. got it? HE doesn't want you. i need this. the flow. the pen and paper. it's cold. blue sky morning. will it stop? can it stop? no wind. or rain. just clouds. life. live on. forever again. DONE! i fuckin hate her. she can curl up in a corner and die. to confront her is to hurt her. can she stop? will she ever? WHY? why him? other guys she knows c an dance. there are other out there. almost done. words. sympathy. just stop. reality sucks. ok more my life. can we all just pretend its it's easy. RUN! simple. GOD! real? no fuck no. can you stop this. a release. music. words. writing. feelings. let's begin again. who is he? do i really know him? is he a lie? being back the old him! so fucking frustrated. over and done. baby gone. happy. sure people need to stop. QUIT! beauty. Eyes. those eyes. his eyes. green eyes. the love in his eyes. then her. GOD FUCK HER! stop and walk away. your done. enough. leave him alone. LOVE. yea this is real. HE is real. cry bitch cry. then walk away. forever gone. don't stop walking away. some guy. random guy. feelings? do i know? do you? ouch. pain, make it go away. He doesn't help. he makes the pain. mostly he takes it away. but he brings it on as well. off and on. alex all over again. if we start from the beginning will it become the same way? can i not know him. bi polar. only about him. how can you love and hate someone at the same time? i can't let him. GO. ok now i feel like i can be done. we fight. but we'll move on. DONE.