Lilin
from the loins of incubus I was sired
rising necropolis Eden 'twas cast
'tis my mother’s beauty I have acquired
your lustful intentions will hold you fast
rising necropolis Eden 'twas cast
condemned we are, unholy existence
transversing the gates of hell, I have passed
gaze on me with your futile resistance
'tis my mother’s beauty I have acquired
invoking your lust with a lilac scent
feminine perfection to be desired
committed forever, too late to repent
your lustful intentions will hold you fast
you succumb as my soul impales your chest
I cackle at you and your sordid past
sucking your essence from eternal rest
welcome to hell:
Author notes
According to Jewish folklore, the 'lilin' are the daughters of Lilith and Adam or incubus, engendered while she was his wife. They are demons, with their function being that of a succubus. Men and also mothers feared the attack of the lilin, because they were also said to kidnap children, like Lilith.
RETOURNE Like so many other French forms, the retourne is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line, the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first.
Retournes do not have to rhyme but I complicated the difficulty of this composition by adding the abab rhyme scheme and increasing the structure to decasyllable.
In a list
A contest entry
- Prewrite Plethora by TheDemonEve.
1100 points, ended May 30, 2008, 47 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I belive the owl has some referance here, and yet I am captivated by this poem, its repetition has stilled the beat enchanting me in its magical grace. I love the mythological folklore you've used.
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An intelligent and impeccable piece, and my favourite in the contest so far. Your mastery of poetry is evident, and I especially loved how each stanza spawned from part of the first. Morbid, macabre, and delicious. EXTREMELY well done!!
Best of luck and thanks for entering!
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not bad and very knowledgeable
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You are a serious poet, or at least I see you as such. This form seems very confusing to me and you have done a wonderful job. Great presentation too ... I love the graphic.
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I love poetry forms
I am new to All Poetry and this is my far one of the most imaginative poems I have ever read. You have such a command of the language and a great understanding of mythology.
The lines pull you in and drag you down into a Hell that even Satan would fear.
Female demons are powerful creatures.
I have not read much on the retourne but the way you execute it is mesmerizing. Each stanza goes deeper and deeper.
I do find it hard to resist such charms; yet I do have I strong will to out seduce such creatures to the overpower sexual power that we all possess.
I am looking forward to reading more of your poetry.
You have a wonderful day and don’t be shy and come on over to my den for a meeting of the minds and explore the wonderful world of poetry.
See you later…
Much Love,
Danielle
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You can't undo the undone! And this demon series is starting to make the male gender look like witless idiots, when they spend so much time thinking with the wrong head, ya think? No wonder there has been hesitation with electing a female as The Leader of the Free World which will make 2008 a very interesting year, if Hillary has her way... if she wins her bid to become the firrst female president I think I'll send her some Lilac Water....
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'lilac scent' - we share some of the same love of words it seems, I used that imagery in one of my own works (dare I say great minds think alike, hehe!), so it stuck out for me - I love the imagery it provides, soft and heady and insinuating.
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Man am i Watching out for you or what! That was wonderful and extremely seductive. Good form not onmly mastered but you own it!
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awesome background, and great picture. this was stunningly dark and a great read. the repetition of this retourne was really good and suited the piece well. thanks for sharing your darkness. thanks for your entry
Rianna -
DARK MASTERPIECE
In five words, the dark mistress of poetry..
a. w. e. s. o. m. e
keep it up dark poetess,
red roses
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There's nothing...
more beautifully dark
than the story of a succubus...
and you, my sister,
write the dark stories
so creepily well...
is creepily a word?
oh well...if if isn't...I just made it one
especially for you...lol
Masterful Sis...
xoxo
Heidi
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Great pic and excellent form! You have really outdone yourself with this poem hon... Great job and good luck in the contest.
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Now, why in the hell can't I get Diana to be an incubus to my soul, say three nights a week? Its really no fair ya know?? But really this was a great write dear, keep the keyboard warm okay?
Dad
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Holy Moly-
Powerful piece You have penned which raises the hairs-
like it should
Love the images You bring forth and the form You used as well
Also the description in the Author's Comments
Beautifully done!!
Best wishes to You in this contest!
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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I'm scared... don't hurt me... OK, just a little bit... you can hurt me until I say the safety word... then you have to stop... I love it!!! Three shackled bunnies.
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