Separate ways
Empty days
Your gone,there's only rain
Everything's a blur,barely sane
Crying
Sighing
No happiness without you
Wondering aimlessly,no clue
Between the cries
Hope never dies
Awaiting your return
Slow candle burn
Pissing in the wind
Broke from the bend
Hope
Dope
Who's fault?Hell who knows...
Everyone stepped on everyone's toes
Empty days
Separate Ways
A contest entry
- Music Titles Contest by Welcome-To-Hell.
875 points, ended April 12, 2007, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Deep, and beautiful. I love it. Keep penning with heart. God bless you my friend.
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Beautiful verse. I like this form you have invented here,
very nice indeed!
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Nice Doc you are the KING that's for sure. Well writen wittian
As you know I love this form, I am hoping to judge a contest for wittians and would love to duo judge a contest with ya 
But I love this witian and my fav line is pissing in the wind heehee
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great wittian Doc, good to see you writing again...peace Terry
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Thank you young Terry,I hope everything is well with you!
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I think you had too much dope while writing this piece. Not that it's bad. Only that it skips a little too randomly to make a cogent point. Y'know?
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Looking at your author picture I have to say you totally suit your user name. I am as well as the world will let me be, and that's well enough for now- I Guess. keep writing Doc, it's a good medicine for the soul...peace Terry
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Thanks for your honesty,I think the problem was I did not do ENOUGH dope
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I always find more makes me more abstract and mysterious. If it weren't for the other side effects I'd just be doing it in some form or another all of the time. Damned side effects.
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This is a great write and you've chosen a great form and done it as well as anyone could ask wonderfully written best of luck to you in the contest
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"Everything's a blurr,barely sane
Crying
Sighing
No happiness without you
Wondering aimless,no clue"
I think that blur should have just the one R.
I think that 'aimless' should be changed to 'aimlessly'.
I absolutely loved this poem!
I really appreciated how 'real' it was. How I could instantly relate to it and I'm sure many others can too - because it is true that when you lose someone you love or care about you feel like not only your life is on a different page, but that you cannot properly function without them!
I thought the layout of it was effective and the rhymes were well used to help it mesh together and flow easily too!
Very good expression in so few words!
Tough Cookie (Sarah)
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Dearest Sarah,you comment was just fantastic,and thanks for you advice,I made the changes you suggested and I think you made the piece better,thanks again!....Doc
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We went our separate ways
it seems we were drifting from the start
except no one told me
I didn't know it
till one day I turned around to see
you so far away on that horizon
I saw a movement
I wasn't sure if you was beckoning me towards you
or waving goodbye
I suspect the latter
Your poem just insired me to write that,
the best tribute I can give.
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And a great tribute it is too!Might be better than the piece itself!!!
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