Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

pose (version 2.0)

teach me the pose of the ages
perfect my outstretched arms

I swear I'll climb back down
and wreck myself against myself

I want to live

teach me to be like You

Author notes

This is a third version of a poem I have. I am open to critique. I'm not fond of the words, but "teach me the pose of the ages, perfect my outstretched arms" is the one thing that stays the same in all versions. It is the refrain, if you will

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Fantine
    September 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This poem has great potential! The first lines are deeply profound but the rest is lacking in strength. Dig deep Chad into what you have been through and see God's hands in your life. The best poetry is the most personal and though it has been a while since I've read your work I remember it. How have you been!?!


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    March 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I agree that the first two lines are keepers, deeply profound.

    I would follow along that thought. What would you need, or Jesus need from you to mirror his love, his total sacrifice? This could be an amazing piece. Perhaps read scripture or readings from the saints for some insight.