Out of the night air
a voice starts to sing,
A moon rising Up
On the fairy tale ring
One by one
the fairies appear.
The singing grows sweeter
As midnight draws near.
Under a waning moon
In their lover's arms swoon,
In a trembling embrace
Their boundaries do fade.
The movements of their love
Sends them afloat
On clouds like the seas
Carrying small silver boats,
They dance in a circle
Lightning in the sky
Their lips united
Facing eye to eye
Wings all a flutter
as time takes it toll,
tiptoe on moonbeams
The fairies will stroll
And When they reach
That enchanted peak
The ground below
Is their hearts seek.
A contest entry
- FAIRY TALE CONTEST!!!!!!!! by Sahlili20.
450 points, ended April 10, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
-
WOW!!! no wonder this poem had the most comments. this is a really lovely piece! i can actually imagine the theme of this wonderful poem. it's such a beautiful poem! wee!
-
Beautiful
Thnak you for entering my contest!--sahlili20 -
WOW~ You said it in those heart melting words did'nt ya? I completely understand each and every word you wrote. I am in the same place you are~
Im in love with all you write and you have an amazing talent which you use very well!
Keep up the good work and make more love poems cause im going to be there to read them when they come out!
~~GRACE~~
-
: )
This was outstanding.
-
The last stanza seems to be off a little bit. Over all its very well done. Thanks for the read
-
I liked this, but the change in the rhyming scheme in the third stanza really messed me up slightly. I also think that you should choose a different background, as this one doesn't seen to go along with the overall whimsical feel of the poem. I think you could have gone a lot deeper than you did with this. Other than that it was nicely written. Thanks for sharing.
Chelsea
-
I liked this, rhyming was a little bumpy at parts, but overall it was pretty good.
The Only Dependable thing about the future is uncertainty
-Chaos -
this is a beautiful write. the rhyming was a bit choppy in some places, but other than that, the flow is nice and it's really beautiful!
-
This was a very lovely and lyrical write. I thought the rhyme scheme was a bit off though as in some of the stanzas it was the 2nd and 4th lines that rhymed and in others it was the 1st and 2nd that rhymed that threw it off just a bit but other then that I really like it a great deal. Thank you for sharing this with us.
-
This is a nice love story/poem...uplifting to read...you have done a nice job...thanks for sharing
-
I like this, it's well put together, you used lovely language and the rhyme doesn't seem forced. My one concern is your line length, with rhyme like this it usually works best when the line lengths are roughly the same and particularly in stanza 2 this isn't the case. Other than that one criticism this is a lovely poem.
-
I loved this poem,it speaks to me in a way that would not speak to others. There is one typo in line twenty- two: "it's" instead of "it". Other then that, It's a great poem.
-
I love this!! a perfect painting for the mind!!!
Atomik...
-
Hey, I really enjoyed reading this. It has a nice flow to it, which is not always the case with rhyming poems.
Your descriptions are nice and fun! It's almost as if I could rech out and flick one of the sweet little fairies!
Honestly, I know you wanted critical comments but I see nothing to add or detract from your work. I enjoyed it as is! -
verynice
well written and great graphics fit well with such a lovely poem wonderful poetry is easy to read great job
-
A beautiful write, absolutely captivating, I could not stop reading, but had to go on. Such a beautiful and seemingling delicate piece, it gave me the sense of being fragile, and ever so precious, making those last few moments last.
Amazing, although, I have to agrre with NoWayJo, and say that the rhyme is unfortunately not consistent. It would work better if you could switch the second at third lines, or rephrase the second line to rhyme at the end.
Thanks for sharing, and take care XxX
-
I liked the fantasy-sense of your poem very much, though I don't write much of this theme myself.
I think an important factor in rhyming poetry is that the rhyme be consistent throughout each stanza. You started out the first two stanzas by rhyming the second and fourth lines, deviated from that in S3 by rhyming L1 and L2, and then seemed to go back to the initial rhyme pattern.
It's also that a lot of the rhyme felt forced or contrived to make the rhyme fit, when better rhyme-word choices might have been available.
Overall, I did enjoy the read of your poem and hope my comments have been helpful.
Jo -
I really like the imagray in this poem, I think that you have very good flow in this piece, I enjoyed reading it and I think that you should keep up your great writing.
~Alix
-
Enchanting
This is so enchanting. It makes me feel as if I'm right there. Beautifully done! -
wonderfull
Very Good piece of poetry. I liked the theme of fairies!.......Exellent. -
what a wonderfully enchanting poem I truly enjoyed this poem, it was wonderfully written, flows so well
it is not the type of poem I usually go for but this is such a lovely poem.......
One by one
the fairies appear.
The singing grows sweeter
As midnight draws near.
Under a waning moon
In their lover's arms swoon,
In a trembling embrace
Their boundaries do fade.
The movements of their love
Sends them afloat
-
"The movements of their love
Sends them afloat
On clouds like the seas
Carrying small silver boats,"
I love that. Just really dreamy and soft and gentle. Excellent write!
-
Quite an enchanted poem! Your rhyme was excellent; it wasn't the usual "cat" and "hat". My favorite stanza:
Under a waning moon
In their lover's arms swoon,
In a trembling embrace
Their boundaries do fade.
It's just the kind of part that makes you want to sigh. I love this poem; I'm glad to have found it!
-
I love this mystical poem. It's like fairys at the bottom of the garden almost.
The movements of their love
Sends them afloat
On clouds like the seas
Carrying small silver boats,
This stanza is beautiful and provokes great imagery. You have a way with words most certainly.
Your poem has wonderful rhyme and flow.
Really lovely read. Well done
-
beautiful!
very romantic. The rhyming came easy and didn't seem forced. I had to read it outloud just so I can feel all the words slide off. Great job. keep it up! I'll be back. peace and light always! kp
-
very magical. I love fairies and moonbeams. this was lovely and sensual in a very subtle, innocent way. very pagan at least to me, a pagan
-
Mmmm. Mingling hands, mingling glances, mingling lips and tongue. Dancing, singing to the pagan sound. Sexual and mystical and beautiful all at once.
Adding your comment:
1 - 27 of 27
