Daddy bought me green apples
because Daddy knows how beautiful
I am.
The sex was bad, I'll admit
and my heart doesn't ache that bad
but when the fling becomes a failure
that's when you know it's flawed.
I have become older, wiser,
less naive, stupid,
I was full
of it.
but Daddy bought me green apples
to let me know I'm still special
to him.
"Stupid girl" does not apply here,
you don't ring in my ears
I tried something new, with you
and like my stereo
you don't make music as well as you used to.
I will be amazing somehow,
little boy, you took too much to swallow
I will not wallow in self-pity and loathing
no, not this last time
before he comes.
#
This is the end, my beautiful friend.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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damn. can relate somehow, and then again i can't. plath-like, and the use of "daddy" makes it scary and makes me not want to know the underlying purpose of this piece. so, take it as i will, i think that normally I would suggest taking out the excessive adjectives of "I have become older, wiser,
less naive, stupid,
I was full
of it."
but the flow works with or without the synonyms. I think if anything I would just take out the stupid. I think that
"I will be amazing somehow,
little boy, you took too much to swallow
I will not wallow in self-pity and loathing
no, not this last time
before he comes."
pulls together each little jump that you make from line to line. this poem is like a 5 year old who knows too much. amazed.
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Well, that's certainly an interesting concept (a Plath-like 5 year old, who knows too much). You're right, it does work taking 'stupid' out - I had thought that would not leave enough pause for the following lines to have an impact. Although, I think perhaps 'stupid' is integral to this piece, at least it is for me - naivety and stupidity are not quite synonyms. Thank you for a detailed read and comment. Barbie. Xx
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Silly me
I've learned from my error(s)
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Wrong poem?
Barbie. Xx
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I really like this. I like the conflict of the sweet innocent girl and then the harsher, maturer side; the conflict of mind and of person.
Maybe it's just me being weird , heh but I like this.
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Thanks Jess. Comment appreciated and understood.
Caz. Xx
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now why do I suddenly feel stupid...
lol
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Wow
Ms Barbie, there something rather special about the quality of your answers. One day I’ll know you well enough to understand fully what the question actually was; rather then this guessing game you constantly put me through. I love your poem; yes the shock value too. --- Thank you. ---- Barbie, paints her body again; with invisible lotion – has to wear bright clothing to stop being run over, and have the bus stop.
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But, but I like games (he didn't) and shocking? Surely not. I'm in the audience for 'Bremner, Bird and Fortune' (satirical tv programme) on Friday - yay! Some friends come home on Saturday. Until then, there's always my green apples & my old friends at school + my old teachers (my maths teacher was delighted to see me again and insisted it was 'his loss'). Wonderful, old memories. Sorry, what was the question?
Barbie (Caz). Xx
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good poem
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Thank you. Barbie. Xx
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