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Little Pink Houses

She sits watching the towns go by,
little pink houses and rolling hills,
wondering about the lives passing by,
while riding this train to her new life.
 
Her notepad lays on her lap,
crossed out words fill the pages,
needing to tell them why she left,
it isn't easy to say it just wasn't enough.
 
As dark starts to fall into her cabin,
and she signs love me and folds her letter,
she knows they will not understand her need,
to walk through open doors and be totally free.
 
© Debby Sorensen Carlson
                reworked 3/27/2007               


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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Starrchild777 gold member
    April 22, 2007

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    it's delightful how you used such a serene metaphor to denote such a strong message that can apply to anyone at anytime in their life if they only have the courage to venture into life with open arms. nice penning.

    ~*Starr*~ xxx


    • Debbysmiles gold member
      April 22, 2007
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      Starr

      Thank you Starr for the nice comment and understanding this piece. Blessings.. debby


  • thelordreigns gold member
    March 27, 2007

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    Great imagery

    I love the imagery in this short poem. So much is said by the setting you have created - the traveling through life - leaving behind our childhood represented by the little pink houses - the letter that is our life and wishfully carries our love.

    This is perfect. I love it.


  • BonnieQ silver member
    March 27, 2007

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    Excellent, Vivid Imagery and Emotion

    My caption says it all about this wonderful poem, my darling Sis; however, I do have one complaint: there simply are too many "she" and "the" in this otherwise great piece reflecting the emotions one feels when they move on down the road. I think many, many of us can identify with it. I know it reminds me of when I drove from Texas to Washington, where I remain today: the new life.

    In such a short piece, one must pay very close attention to avoiding redundancy; especially those that create hissing and spitting sounds. As talented as you are, I've no doubt you can remedy this poem's one little problem.

    Much love and hugs, SisB♥n

    • Debbysmiles gold member
      March 27, 2007
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      SisBon

      I do believe I can fix the hissing and spitting sounds..lolol.. that got me giggling. Will remedy them.. lolol. Thankyou.. hugs and love.. d

1 - 6 of 6