Gurgling and trickling along,
Under autumns fiery gaze.
It goes on never ending,
As the falling leaves ride the waves.
It never stops for anything,
Constantly moving along.
If we could all take a hint,
And in our own lives move on.
It doesn't stop for the winter,
Even when its top freezes over.
It runs forever underneath,
In its course it never wavers.
We could all learn a lot,
Just watching this tiny brook.
Learn more from this experience,
Than some ever get from a book.
Stay true to yourself,
Don't let anything change you.
Don't hold grudges against others,
Stick to what you know is true.
Author notes
XavierShardae
A contest entry
- For Oboebaybee's faves only! by in-the-twilight.
600 points, ended April 1, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I am glad.
I am glad that I clicked on this because of the title. Yes you certainly did capture the character of a brook. You made it come alive and ended up with a moral story to boot. I like this in a poem. A lovely poem that flows true like the brook.
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Fine tuning
This is a beautiful observation and one worthy of attentive reading. I read over it a few times and would offer the following in way of suggestions:
"As the falling leaves ride the waves" to "As falling leaves ride the waves" (removed one "the")...
"In its course it never wavers" to "On a course that never wavers" (I did note the pronoun "it" used very frequently-there are other areas that you could replace "it" with a slight rearranging too)
"Than some ever get from a book" to "Than can be gained from reading books" (I suggest this last because the proceeding verse of "Learn more from this experience" is an excellent display of action and I felt adding "reading" to the second verse would contrast the action with an inertia of sorts. I hope these comments make sense and maybe you'll find one you actually like! I really love the concept here as I am an avid believer in learning from Nature. Blue
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I think the lessons (last stanza) that you take away from the brook say more about you and your values than they do about the water, or its form. In a sense, this work then becomes a non sequitur, in that the conclusion does not follow logically. Therein, however, lies poetic genius worthy of applause.
Best wishes,
~Das
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Good lesson to be learned... It is good to keep trudging forward, but sometimes it is just as important to stop and look around you... take in the scenery... think about where we are... take something from this life we are living. The flow and rhyme was decent, a little bumpy here and there, but overall good content.
The only dependable thing about the future is Uncertainty.
-Chaos -
yes, if we could take a hint from nature and move on so easily. Very creative and imaginative idea. The imagery was great too. I liked the whole thing.
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Wow, this was interetesting. In a way that one would view life's course following the tiny brook in all its glory. You made me want to look at my life again and see where in areas I could be made to move on!
~A Heart's Hope Lies With Belladonna~ -
Stay true to yourself,
Don't let anything change you.
Don't hold grudges against others,
Stick to what you know is true.
So very true I say amen to this stanza. I really love the poem it flowed beautifully and the rythm was a delight. Thank you for sharing this with us it was a very well written piece. -
LOVIN" IT!
I love the message contained within your ever so subtle words of suggestion. I couldn't agree more! I loved everything about this piece. you really drove home a message that I believe in. keep up the great work. peace and light always! kp
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Nice poem.
It has a nice flow to it and your rhyming is enjoyable. You have used good imagery too.
I like your philosophy.
"Stick to what you know is true. "
Wise words!
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this is good and has good advice in it. keep it up, good luck!
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Ben this is amazing! Wow... it's different than what you usually write and personally I like this hopeful side of you... it's beautiful! Rock on! xoxo Meg
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beautiful dearie
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