A chip of milky chocolate
cast on the frigid tarmac,
rolled into pigeon’s eye view.
Dodging clumsy feet,
her tattered ash wings
ushered her to the tidbit,
and with a bow or two
her beak itched her to peck.
And it nibbled back.
Eager eyes mirrored hers,
as the fluffy gentleman
receded with a coo and
an offering.
Lady accepted,
and with a flattered flutter
of silver wings,
she urged a taste…
But, it was stony,
and stolen…
Her baffled beak
caught the “civil” pigeon
and his alpha brother
tucking in to a treat upon the
rooftop of Mc Donald’s.
He was typically plump.
And she was still grey.
Author notes
Best not to ask about the subject origination...
Any constructive criticism is welcome.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Do you also love watching the birds? How their eyes follow every little grain of food so they can catch it as it comes near?
The only thing that's such a pity with pigeons is that they always quite long on the road so they are hit more easily by cars
I needed to look up the word 'plump' but I don't mind since I got the opportunity to expand my voc
I like this poem
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I like this piece but we have aproblem with seagulls doing this. Nice piece Thank you for sharing this with us.
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Hi!
How are you? Im pretty new to this poetry thing so any tips you have would be great!
Erm, well this is my second comment on a piece of poetry so i'm sorry if its not what is normally said but i like this poem. Mainly because it has the word chocolate in it!!
no seriously, i do like it quite a lot, and i suppose we all get our inspiration to write from different places...
Erm, i cant really think about what else i should say...
ill come back to you on a different poem in the future and see if i can think of a better responce then!
Sorry for wasting your time in reading this if it isn't a very good comment,
nice writting to you,
zas51zas -
It does not matter where this piece come from, it has a lot of hidden depth behind it. It is well thought out and has a nice easy flow about it. It doesnt feel at all forced. And I think it also tells us a lot about society and how we exist today. Well done, a pleasure to read.
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this is wonderful. I don't have words to express how much I adore the ending. I have a friend who is terrified of pigeons and it was a sweet reminder...thank you.
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this definatly a different poem. very light....and fun. great imagery,great flow, unique subject matter
Dodging clumsy feet,
her tattered ash wings
ushered her to the tidbit,
and with a bow or two
her beak itched her to peck.
And it nibbled back.
Eager eyes mirrored hers,
as the fluffy gentleman
receded with a coo and
an offering.
Lady accepted,
and with a flattered flutter
of silver wings,
she urged a taste…
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It's different, puts pigeons in a slightly softer light for me. Overall I liked it though the final line confuses me. I mean, pigeons are grey but I sense this line is meant to mean more and I don't get what.
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I seriousy like this a lot
wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii It's great actually
Me like a lot (^^)
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interesting. I thought it was a great story. I won't ask where it came from . I know from my own experiences with writing that we draw from some strange places at times. keep up the great work. thanks for sharing. peace and light always in all ways, kp
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