They were an amicable race, much like us-
stumbling in the planet's cold twilight, frenzied;
facing hell-spawned ghouls, etched in stucco masonry-
wild, savage beasts from a hellish darkness,
undulating in lust; undulating in lust;
monstrous wanderers blotting out the sun-sea
intent on the city's wrought-iron gate key
shadowed in blackened sandstormed tracks, fading...
but not yet lost, but not yet lost...
Their cryptic armies gleamed on the horizon,
kept at bay with strained keystrokes whispering-
tooth and talon, screaming disintegration
refrained fantastic in the heat's exhaustive
multitudinous ring, multitudinous ring;
silkened-dressed fingers swiftly numerating,
ill-born demons die in glaring resignation-
until the startling, errant calculation;
undulating in lust, undulating in lust
until the startling, errant calculation...
Author notes
this is a Mononet created by B. Chandler
I chose the optional rhyme scheme of ABBAABBA CDCCDDCD EF
I don't think anyone's caught what I wrote on the calculator...
In a list
- Astronomy & Space Mix- Actual and Fiction- Most • next in list
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Man, this is trippy creepy stuff here... kind of Giger meets Lovecraft meets Bill Gates... *shivers*
(I read the calculator too)
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creepy, yes, lol - on the theme of how our technology is only as good as our keystrokes...
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Not liking maths, and taking physics, this amused me. Well written...a good peice of poetry, too.
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Chilling
The form looks difficult to master well. I'd say you are one of those who leaps at a challange. Reminds me of Stephen King's book on cellphones. I'll never look at my calculator the same way. *shudders* Seriously, I'd like to see this poem rewritten in a more fluid style than the Mononet and compare.
The whole world is getting a little to hi~tek for me. My 3 year old granddaughter has a 'toy' computer!
Extremely well penned within the restrictions.
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thanks, deb- I read 'looks difficult to master' as 'and you didn't! and 'leaps at a challenge' as 'but you didn't quite get it!' lol nothing like a reserved comment to spur one further with a piece! (and I'll try to return the favor soon...!)
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This was one of your best yet this season. Fantastic job- very creative. Keep it up and you may find yourself going verrrry far.
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I happen to be a big fan of sci-fi and I thought this was a great job. I have to say I don't care much for any form that repeats itself such as this but for what it is you stretched the boundaries of the imagination nicely. Good luck.
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thanks, sheltered, 'stretch the boundaries of the imagination', I hadn't thought of that as such, but I believe it can be a writing device in itself!
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chose the optional rhyme scheme of ABBAABBA CDCCDDCD EF
While you are at it, try choosing the optional exciting scheme, or any scheme that highlights writing that flows freely. The fact is that some effort has been made to elevate the piece of the page but it is still flat to read for it tends to be ponderous rather that insightful, interesting or indeed animated. I would fall asleep at the end of page one reading a book of this
David
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thanks for the perspective, Dave, I'll have to compare it to what you're into to evaluate your statement; from what I see so far I'm suspecting that since there wasn't a penis in it, it wasn't interesting for you...
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Not my general type of read, shall not be bookmarking this, but to be fair must consider what the `other side of the street` are having for dessert.
Strange writing to me, but then who am I to judge.
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Im going to tell my son that this is exactly why I hate that his math teacher lets them use the calculator on homework and not on tests....he should learn to do it all in his head to begin with - its much safer that way
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An A+ for Your Insight
Yes, I think you perceived my original intent- to show that pushing buttons with no idea of what you're doing could be disasterous! I teach college and see it there... I show how two different calculators will give you different answers for something as simple as 3 + 4 * 5 (non-scientific calculators do not observe 'order of operations'); makes for good sci-fi...!
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This is well done..the use of the calculator is wonderful...brillant...what else can I say...thanks for sharing
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Okkkk ... I used to love my calculator now I am scared of it ...
A very interesting write here mate ... Unique, the rhyme flows well & your words keep it very strong; You have a way with writing so the reader wants to take their eyes off the poem but simply can not til the end
Fantastic
Stay safe
~Amanda
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I don't think I want to borrow your calculator any time soon.
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cool title, background, and your effort shines thru on this one.
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