Ruled by the Sun and schools of many rules
will power who towers the Ego
No one will really know
what I am thinking
twinklin...twirkin, lurkin into my dreams of many things
Heart rings and bring me
closure of what may seem
small to you
senseless but large to me
Ruled by emotions, notions, love potions
Passion, caressed, dressed to impress
Nevertheless, but hesitant of what I may feel
My heart takes over
Pounding the barriers of what's real
Accomplished goals Ive reached
profound knowledge
of what Thee has for me
What lies beneath
is the ocean not the sea
What Lies Beneath (Revision)
Deep as the abyss
lies memories of transformation
Indication of who I am
relaxed into a form
that simplifies my silhouette
yet intrigued by emotions
tranquil breezes of ease
that please all that come into contact
reactions in over drive
Compassionate delivers the real optimistic
of what goals accomplised
features of live encounters
that has been embedded
this is what lies beneath
the papaya of the soul
who really knows
well enough to gain closure
twilights of erotic fantasies
lyrics of love
I am a
Pisces
Author notes
This is a revision contest for Partners in Crime by catz
In a list
A contest entry
- Contest: A Makover... Partners In Crime Group Members Only by Partners In Crime.
600 points, ended September 20, 2007, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Nevertheless, but hesitant of what I may feel
My heart takes over
Pounding the barriers of what's real...
You are real sis..I always love to read your poetry, because it shows so much of you!!!
And here they do it both...I loved them both...
Good luck in this contest
XXJeannette
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Honestly I liked the original best! It was sassy and I liked that. The second one had strengths too of course, but it seems to be a brand new poem, more than just the little tweaks I was expecting to find. I like the line "papaya of the soul" very nice!
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Thanks Sarah
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Thank you for entering this impressive work... both of them
The revision seems to add depth to the already very good original
Good luck in the contest
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Thanks catz
sorry it took me so long
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This is lovely poem you penned, hun. Both of them! I’m sure no one else could reply to you as well as you did here and the end, hmm that was fantastic.
Thank you kindly for sharing this with us and I wish you best of luck in the contest
~Massy~
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Hey Massy
thanks so much for the comment, I greatly appreciate it.
E
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Hey, nice rhymes...twirkin-lurkin..cute..last two lines are worthy of meditation..
"What lies beneath
is the ocean not the sea"
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Thanks....actually this is my Zodiac profile. I really appreciate the clappies.
E
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You all are gr8tly appreciated
I thank you for commenting on my work.
Much luv,
Ephiphany
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From moon child to sister sun
Powerful
Mesmerizing
Tangible
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wow
this is beautiful... every line extends itself wonderfully into the next. Very well-crafted, thought out and concluded. i love the way your Ephiphany signature becomes an extension of the words themselves.
well done, Kj
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Thank you!
I really appreciate your view on this peice.
Ephiphany
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interesting
i like this poem.
its beautufl...thanks for entering -
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Thank you for allowing me to enter.
Ephiphany
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