Endless sunshine on a cloudy day,
Golden rain drops teasing the flowers,
Running through fields of May,
Bells ringing in the church towers,
Thousands of smiles and laughter of the one to hold me,
Sunshine caresses my skin, and feels like silk,
Kissing under the shade of an old tree,
This moment for all its worth, I milk,
Birds are singing our songs of love,
Crystal streams filled with wipers of clam slumber,
Your hand fits mine like a glove,
Sounds of your voice makes me forget all that encumbers,
Star gazing in sweet grass,
Make a wish so true,
In your arms I prey this moment wont pass,
I wish I never lose this love for you,
Sparkles slowly make their way across the sky,
Granting wishes exciting and invigorating me,
Watching shades of earth as they pass by,
Until the sun starts to creep across the valley,
Morning dew washes yesterdays sorrow from my feet,
Hand and hand we walk down towards the town,
The stone feels smooth as we run across the street,
The life starts to come back in my flower crown,
The ground starts to tumble and shake,
I hear a sound that turns into a scream,
My scream, in a stale hospital I wake,
You are but a mere corpse beside me, it was nothing but a dream...
Author notes
Ok I really think its done now
A contest entry
- Anything. Just Impress Me. by I-Am-Custard.
900 points, ended April 13, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
This is quite nice, but there were a few little things that bothered me. The lines in the fourth satnza were a lot shorter than those in the others, which ruined the effect they'd had otherwise.
The last line as well had a few too many syllables and would read better (in my opinion) without the word 'mere'.
Thankyou for entering. -
"Running trough fields of May," - "trough" is something a horse drinks out of, I think you mean "through".
Some of your punctuation is off. I'm not an expert on punctuation but I can read when it's wrong; and some of yours is. I'd look into correcting it or writing the piece with less punctuation.
-Nam -
awww I love this! it's amazing the flow is great and the imagery is breathtaking!
I really can't pick a favorite part! if you do decide to write more, let me know.
keep writing Britney! you have a lot of talent ♥
-
-
ok so i wrote more like i said i would, what do u think? should i make another one thats happy?
-
-
wow! I really like it. I think, if you want to write a poem that's happy, you should write a completely new poem. as sad as this poem ends, I really like the twist. you did an excellent job at keeping the reader thinking it was going to be a happy ending. great job Britney! thanks for letting me know you finished ♥
-
-
ok this time i really think its done! lol it only took me how many times? lol
-
-
I definitely like the ending even more now! great job ♥
-
-
-
-
ok so i really think its done now...open to you criticism!!
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
