My Daddy was the bestest thing, the bestest thing for me,
He used to make me custard for tea
With little bits of toffee in it.
Sometimes Mummy waters the flowers
And I sit for hours catching the drips on my tongue,
And wondering where Daddy has gone.
Sometimes I'd scribble a masterpiece and show him my gift
And Daddy always smiled and called me superchild.
But he went wild one night and Mummy cried and filed
For divorce.
And in the end she won the custardy with little bits of toffee in.
And I love her in the garden and I love her when she cooks
And I love her when she gives me sweets and when she reads me books
But she can't make custard like Daddy
And i like his custard best with lots of sticky toffee
I used to stir it round and round
And watch them drinking coffee.
A contest entry
- Your Strongest Memory by Lj-.
350 points, ended March 30, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Don't Know by Pollycheck.
450 points, ended April 29, 2007, 137 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your absolute best poem by Gypsy-at-Heart.
850 points, ended May 2, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I love the effect of this sad piece, and the play on words is superb as well. A sad story behind it, and one that happens too frequently, and I thought you handled it well. Writing from the child's viewpoint, and keeping the subject matter reasonably simple all helped to keep it flowing well.
I especially love the line:
And in the end she won the custardy with little bits of toffee in
because that really summed the poem up to me. Well done -
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. This is a sad poem that tells a sad story that is heard just too often nowdays. I am not sure if this was written by a child or written to be read like it was written by a child. The grammar and the punctuation are not very accurate, but I am assuming that it was done that way on purpose for affect.
-
This is really good. Sweet. Love the play on words.
Thank you for entering,
Good luck!
-
Aww
So sweet. It seems very sad towad the end. Very good poem.
Adding your comment:
