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Happy that I'm here

Hello grandma
Can you see me?
Do you recognize my face?
I know you do remember,
even if right now

you cannot say my name.
Because when I squeeze your hand a little,
I can see that for one second
a sparkle lights up in your eyes.

 

And you seem happy, grandma
happy that I'm here with you


Hello grandma
Do you understand me?
Don't worry that's alright,
we don't have to talk in words.
Since there would not be one in reason,

that I would say to you,
which you did not already hear.

But when I squeeze your hand a little,

when words become unnecessary,

unmistakeably there it is again
that sparkle,
shining in your eyes.

 

And you seem happy, grandma
happy that I'm here with you


My dear grandma
I see you're sitting in your chair so nervous,
what is it that you want to say?
Tell me are you perchance hungry,
maybe there is something hurting,

perhaps you need to just relieve,

but tell me what you need!

After a few guesses and attempts,

the latter brings success.

As you sit back in your chair
and you squeeze my hand a little,
when I see that sparkle in your eyes,

I am happy, grandma
happy that I'm here with you

Author notes

When I went to see my grandmother last week, I really felt very emotional about how old she has become. She is only the shell of the independent woman she once was, and it is quite sad to witness. Next week she will become 96, and every day she is with us is a blessing.

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Erik Ambrose gold member
    March 29, 2007

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    Wow. Sad, tragic, and beautiful. The emotions that can be conveyed through touch and sight, and in this case, word.


  • The Order of Chaos
    March 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Quite an emotional piece, and I liked the subtle repetition to each stanza. You say that she is the shell of the independent woman she once was? It really makes ya think doesn't it... is it really a blessing? It's my personal view that I'd rather be dead, because anymore... In our world... we keep people alive long after they've died... the soul is gone... only the body really remains.

    The Only Dependable thing about the future is uncertainty
    -Chaos

    • michaelg
      March 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      well, yes, but we arent keeping her alive.. she just wants to live. and shes not a plant, shes just old, very old.. but i agree with you, its very hard.

      • The Order of Chaos
        March 28, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        Oh, when I said "we keep people alive" I didn't so much refer to life support... although that would apply to. But no, I'm more referring to the idea that when we get old we tend to loose the life we once had, in sadder cases our minds start to go... and I personally would rather die than become something that a younger would look upon in disgust.

        • michaelg
          March 28, 2007
          Edit | Reply
          absolutely. and actually, my grandma's sister was in a similar but still worse situation, and my grandma said that if she would ever be like that, like a plant, she would not want to live anymore. Now, im from a country (Netherlands) where euthanasia is legal, so all she had to do is sign for that, but that was too much for her hehe. But thank god its not that bad with her yet, she has her bright moments still, and she seems happy at times, though not always of course... but if anything would happen, we will not put her on artificial life support. If shes ready to go, she will be allowed to go.. But shes not living a bad life, she has people who take care of her in her own house, very very lovely people. Trust me, if you would only know how many times the doctor said she wont live through the night... and she was fine the next day. She's holding on, and even though she knows shes not herself anymore, she wants to live. I actually have been inclined to ask her "dont you want to let go", but I think this is something we can only understand if we are old, and NOT ready to die..

  • zas51zas
    March 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hi,
    How are you? Im not very experienced at writting comments so i will say sorry now if this isnt really what should be written...
    Erm, well i suppose i should start by saying that i really love this poem. Its so heartfelt and emotion and i can really relate to it. You should go and see her some more as i hardly ever saw my grandad and since he died 2 years ago at age 84 i really miss him. so, yer, you should feel, almost proud that your nan, or grandma, or grandmother (people always call them different names!!) has reached 96!
    So yer, back to the poem, well i really like it and i really relate to it, and its very weel written!
    oh, i've blabbed on a bit, sorry...
    Well, nice writting to you!!
    zas51zas

  • PalmettoSky
    March 28, 2007

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    I have often said that when I cross over to the other side that the first person I want to see is my grandmother. What I would give for one more cuddle in her lap. Reading your poem brought back so many memories and emotions. Thank you so very much for the trip down memory lane. Grandparents can be such a wonderful gift. peace and light, kp


  • Seltz
    March 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    it is always sad to realize that, i dealt with my grandpa. he had alshemiers and he always thought i was my mom or my grandma, it hurt that he did not know who i was anymore and then you realize the man he used to be and know he will never be that way again...grandpa passed away in august, so cherish the time you have with your grandma!
    Can you see me?
    Do you recognize my face?
    I know you do remember,
    even if right now
    you cannot say my name.
    Because when I squeeze your hand a little,
    I can see that for one second
    a sparkle lights up in your eyes.



    • michaelg
      March 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thanks for your comment, I appreciate you relate your own experience to what I wrote..

  • wonderful-now89
    March 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Awww....so sad- it really drew me in! I can feel how much you want to help her and want her to need you but at the same time the horrible sadness you feel in watching her break down to, as you say " the shell" of her former self. How grateful you are that she's with you now shines through and the whole thing is written beautifully. Has she read it? I'm sure it'll mean more to her than you can imagine.

    Lizz


  • hopelessxromantic
    March 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. this seriously made me cry.. it reminded me of my great grandma who couldnt remember anyone, even her own daughter. you convey the strong bond you and your grandma have very well and it shows how much you care about her. i love the way you repeat the part about the sparkle in her eye.

    Very good.

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