My little stranger I never knew, By: Bee Bratcher 2007
Pains in my stomach,
Pains I had never felt before,
Screaming out in agony on the bathroom floor…
Little droplets of blood falling down my legs, as I’m trying to get up,
I sat on the toilet hurting so much.
I felt a lot of pressure, as I began to strain.
I stood up and looked down…my eyes starting pouring like rain.
The toilet was filled with blood, but I seen some sort of sac, then a little hand and foot, and everything went black.
Woke up in the hospital, I couldn’t even move,
The doctor came in and delivered the bad news.
“You had a miscarriage”
“But how could that be”
“I didn’t know for sure if I was pregnant, don’t you see?”
They sent me home with some meds.
5 months later I wrote my unborn child a letter, and this is what it read…
“Stranger that was in my womb, I come to you with such sorrow in my heart.
Mommy didn’t know for sure if she was pregnant,
Until your birth ripped mommy apart,
I don’t know what I did to cause you to die, but I wish so bad you were still alive.
I wonder what I would’ve named you, would you have been a boy or girl.
Would your hair have been straight or like mine with lots of curls?
Would you have been healthy or would there have been something bad wrong?
Please forgive mommy for not knowing she was 17 weeks along.
I don’t know why god chose to take you away from me, but every night I beg him to bring you back.
I cry and pray on my knees.
My knees have carpet burn from where I have begged, sometimes all night.
I pray that God is taking care of you, and that you are alright.
Losing you is so hard because I just can’t accept that you’re gone.
It is my body, how could I have not have known?
You must think I’m a bad mother, I wish so badly I could change everything.
Life is so hard for me; your memory is making me insane.
The pain I feel now, is 10 times worse than what I felt the day you died,
Because I will never get the image of you floating in the toilet,
Out of my mind.
Sometimes I tell myself that you are still in my stomach,
It is so much embedded in my brain, that in the mornings I still vomit.
This month you would’ve been born, you would’ve came into this world of sin,
But instead you’re not here, God had other plans.
In my heart you’re memory will always stay true, and in my mind I will always remember you as……
My little stranger I never knew.
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