While we sit in the merry spring
and think that time comes at us hard
The herald of Lillies on a branch does sing
A red and feathered Bard
He bids us sit in the soft green grass
no longer entrapped by snow
we sit and ponder, let time pass
and watch the flowers grow
Oh merry herald sing your song
the messenger of spring
bring forth the daisies all month long
and your voice in warm air rings
Oh happy bird the snow melts for you
and the tulips kiss the breeze
Sing your song, and sing it true
from your throne up in the trees
Author notes
Unrequited Writer
A contest entry
- Truth of Life contest Round ONE by xandercheerios.
450 points, ended June 17, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I like it
Very good nature poem. -
Where were you with this poem my last contest, I love ballads! Very well written, and amazing imagery. Nature is truly the greatest inspiration when it comes to anything artistic, especially poetry. Do you think you'd continue into the next round with the theme of nature? Or just writing ballads? or what? Good luck!
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both. i ahve another nature poem and another ode. which would you prefer?
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To be honest, it's up to you... this contest is supposed to go to 10 rounds, so you should pick the theme that you know you can write poems for that many rounds.
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I love the spring too! I am a robin lover myself, but cardinals are such pretty birds arn't they?
Oh man, I need about a hundred sixty more points, there are so many good entries, and I don't have enough points to reward every poem I like. Though this is the first contest where I have ever given out HM's I find myself doing all I can to get points so I can award more of them. Your poem was so good! Thanks for entering my conetst!
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Wish I had cardinals where I live, but I don't, at least I don't think I do. Anywhoo, your poem is nicely written with a few spots that could use revision.
First Stanza:
While we sit in the merry spring
and think that time(s) come(delete "s") at us hard(
The herald of Lillies on a branch do(not does) sing
A red and feathered Bard
(needs a break)
He bids us (to) sit in the soft green grass(
no longer entrapped by snow
we sit and ponder, let (the) time pass
and watch the flowers grow
Oh(,) merry herald sing your song(!)
the messenger of spring(
bring forth the daisies all month long
and (let your outloud ring)(delete: your voice in warm air rings) {You loose your flow and ryhme...my revision suggestion is just a suggestion...still not good, but a little better)
Oh(,) happy bird the snow melts for you
and the tulips kiss the breeze
Sing your song, and sing it true
from your throne (delete:up)(high) in the trees
These are just suggestions. I really like the poem. It just needs a few changes to make the tense correct and have good grammar. Thank you for sharing. Lovely piece.
Always pen from the heart and you shall never write wrong.
~SongByrd
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please take this reply in the manner it is meant, I apreciate your enthusiastic comment on my piece, but the suggestions you gave are suprifolous. for example. I stated in my poem "time comes at us hard" this is not incorrect. many great poets have considered time to be a plural entity. and in many other non poetic writes time has been called the times. but that is not the flow i wish in my piece.
as a poet, I hold no course or reason for grammar. it is a roadblock on the creative path of life. so again thank you for your suggestions, but I will not be implimenting any of them
thank you for the comment
The Unrequited Writer
Ben B.
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Thanks for this uplifing piece.. Yes...welcome Spring..
This was such a happy write.
Thank you for making my day.
Soulful Woman
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That poem really brought a smile to my face when I read it. A wonderful, cheery write! *massages cheeks* Geez, I'm still grinning!
Really pretty imagery too. I really liked the line "and the tulips kiss the breeze"
Great write!
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pretty poem from you. I enjoyed the piece. It's very nice and cheery. Nice to see this from you! Good job!
PoeticThunder*
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