I can still feel those tears dripping
Pouring my Crosse with faithless promises.
I can still feel the way you felt for me
from the very beginning to the end!
I can feel the purity of white lily(once my favorite)
you bring for me.
The way you pray for me, the way you cry
the way you fill up the blank of my empty sky
I can feel them all.Even the smell of your rustic body!
Like grasshopper,like lemon, like...
When you go away crying
I know you soak with fear
for being so cruel with me
for those promises we took to stay together.
you fear!You sigh!You lose.
If I could take a chance from God I'd assure you..
I wont tell anyone not even the God
that you did not allow me to take another breath.
All these sorrow and numbness become delight
when you tremble and pray for me.
Death was nothing but a sign of love from you.
A contest entry
- ANYTHING! by DelaneyDisaster.
300 points, ended April 2, 2007, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For anyone who ever wanted to enter a contest :P by Valley Girl.
450 points, ended April 2, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hey!!!!!! I Love Options Contests so here goes another one! (Prewrites Welcome) by Patience15.
525 points, ended April 20, 2007, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Moments - {Pic Inspired} by nell.
800 points, ended April 11, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Original Tears by I-Am-Custard.
600 points, ended April 22, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lost love by cutekitten789.
500 points, ended September 29, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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this is a very good poem...i love how it starts out beign loving and then ends in sadness that was a very good process
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The poem gives the message of sadness. Well done.
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Hmm, I know this is meant to be sad, but I'm not really feeling it I'm afraid... There are so few personal details here that I find it difficult to visualise the person behind thw words, pretty as they are... 'you fear!You sigh!You lose'... that's like a game, it trivialises the emotions involved.
Thank you for entering. -
first of all i have to say that I really like your choice of wording, its very descriptive and emotive. this is a beautifully sad piece. nicely done thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
Shanelle -
That was beautiful, I love every line
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Thanks for entering my contest.
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This is a very lovely piece indeed. Thank you so much for entering the contest and letting me read this! but in order for you to win you have to show me the first draft and explain the processes that you went through while re-writing it. Sorry for the misunderstanding. best of luck!
audry -
Oshadharon!!!
Well...dear siv, what to say? Can not mention any specific line. Because I find the whole poem very much touching and can not neglect any part of it...one more time seeing beauty in sadness. I guess this is the best among all your poems and thus my favourite from you. Keep it up and let me see more from you!
Well done
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a very passionate piece...indeed. I think this is ur best piece among the recent ones.
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thank you.
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Boy.
I understand what you are saying because to a person tormented by another death is to them a sign of love. How powerful this poem is. The best of luck in the contest.
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