You tortured me discreetly,
yet you talked to me so sweetly,
it could never be released,
never to be undone,
you shed light on a life with no sun,
i used to see you in a crowd of a million faces,
now all i see is a blur,
you turned your back on me,
t was a cure for the blindness,
Now the truth is all i see
Author notes
Dark Fantasy ~ (you tortured me discreetly)
A contest entry
- I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder ♥ Love ♥ by forbidden-colour.
530 points, ended September 22, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Dark Fantasy~ by XxMysticalFantasyxX.
700 points, ended September 5, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING! by Beating.
1300 points, ended September 13, 2007, 103 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
"the truth is now all i see" a very powerful line, but perhaps it should be "now the truth is all i see" idk, i'm just picky lol but this is a great write and i look forward to reading more
also thanx for the comments
-
-
thank you so much!
i'm gonna change it to that now,
i understand, i would help it flow better thanks.
-
-
"i used to see you in a crowd of a million faces,
now all i see is a blur,"
Ohh that line really stuck out for me, It's just real sad.
Thank you for entering.
x -
I like how you talk about light coming where it usually isn't and how you went from seeing the person in a crowd of a million faces to a blur. The opening lines is great too, and rhyming makes the poem strong already there. That's a very good quality. Great job!
-
Hey this is a great write! I can relate to this the words had a great flow. Good luck in this contest and keep on writing
-
real kool. u should enter this into a contest. it has real emotions and i think it would win!
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
