"BROTHERS"
Brothers are supposed to stick together
I've always heard blood is thicker then water
Fuck i'd still do life for my brother
But the punk is afraid of our step father
The same man who has made his life better
The same man who pulled us all out of the gutter
But none of this shit really matters
Because my brother isn't a true rider
He'll stand in front of a jury and point his finger
Really i could look past all that
But not when i'm disrespected for some lame crap
3years in prison isn't far from enough
I cant force him to visit he say's tough
For some reason i will always remember this
Regardless my love for my brother is faultless
The things i would do for him are endless
O well everyone makes mistakes
Mine was expecting him to do something he would'nt
His was thinking i was fake
Hay he might not have been told so,does'nt remember
Brothers are supposed to stick together
For me blood is and always will be thicker then water.
Jordon i wrote this because it was a way to vent
I put myself in prison,so none of this should really matter
love you baby bro
A contest entry
- Make Me Believe. by Koaladeath.
940 points, ended March 31, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - give me a reason to keep living by allfaith.
315 points, ended April 2, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - whatever the fuck you want III by Nam.
345 points, ended March 29, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I feel Pain by deleted28account.
375 points, ended April 14, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
"I've always heard blood is thicker then water" - "then" I believe would be "than".
"3years in prison isn't far from enough" - "3years" is not one word.
"I cant force him to visit he say's tough" - "cant" would be "can't".
"Hay he might not have been told so,does'nt remember" - there should be a space between the comma and "doesn't".
"For me blood is and always will be thicker then water." same as the suggestion above.
"I put myself in prison,so none of this should really matter" - there should be a space between the comma and "so'.
It's a nice tribute piece, but, nothing more.
-Nam -
Hmm.
You didn't punctuate anything. You didn't spell out "oh", which is required. You didn't use any sort of metaphore. I'm sorry love. Tis a heart-felt poem, but isn't what I'm looking for, I'm afraid. Thanks for the entry though. <3
Adding your comment:
