I may…
I may stare out the window
I may never lie
I may talk too much
I may not care
Because…
…for staring out the window,
I’ll find my dreams.
…for never lying,
I’ll find truth in words.
…for talking to much
I’ll find hope and joy.
…for not caring,
I’ll find the selfishness of others.
Only you have never seen it that way…
…have you?
In a list
A contest entry
- Choose A Phrase by piccola.
600 points, ended February 5, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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lots of insight in these words. I was thinking about the talking too much and how sometimes we want to just scream for a person to shut up...that is selfish isn't it? Nice job here.
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Insightful
very insightful, and deep. but i feel structure-wise might need something to spicen it up, in this case I'd ask for a play in punctuation... just to name one. There is this amaizing poem called 'Iris' I remember it because during poetry class, I used to die it to the Goo goo dolls
, but the poet had an amaizing sense of recollection, thought, use of words, and being deep and meaningful. Just a suggestion
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profound
wow hunni. thats pretty damn profound and so wonderful. your writing has changed so much since you joined here. all the comments finally paid off sumwhere for all of us i think.
i am curious as to who you are talking about in this poem though. its someone you trust or know really well coz you dont talk allll the time..only alot. or maybe thats just me remembering things that arnt there.
i loved the way you set it out and the use of so little words to explain so much, even if i didnt understand your caring part of it - maybe its because i know how much of a caring person you are that i cant see you ever not caring about someone (apart from darren?) .. otherwise you seem to be nice to everyone. maybe thats just what ive seen, maybe i havnt needed to experiance the not caring part.
the part i love the most about this poem is the last two lines.
...have you
it leaves such a wealth of questions to continue on but to continue on would ruin the perfect ending already established. it makes you think about whether you do care, or lie, or talk too much, or daydream out the window, its a very reflective poem hunni and i love it..i love you and ill never stop saying that, no matter how much you get bored of it.
your twin
Claire-Anne -
wow very good
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