I once was a boy.
I now am a man.
Where has the lightning strike of innocence gone?
Where is the harpist draped in a layer of thick comfort?
Where is my Savior?
I once spent my day in stuffy classrooms.
I now spend my day in stuffy offices.
The God of Irony has struck me with his twisted humor?
The voyage through life is but a fatal disease?
The gun is ready to load.
.
The kids age- a looking glass at their death.
My hands glide over the bags forming beneath my eyes.
Another pill for another problem.
The heavy set barber charges less and less.
My slanted eyepieces that displays the visible world grows thicker.
My Stallion like health now declines at a steady pace.
The doctors I go to all shake their head and sigh.
I am embarrassed but must ask the youthful bag boy to help.
I once gave my mom a tender peck on her cheek.
I now give my cat a tender peck on its nose.
How do I get up one morning after another?
How do I live in this miserably ruined flesh?
I put the bullets in the gun.
I once shed my tears in time out.
I now shed my tears in friends funerals.
Is there any joy left to absorb in my burnt brain?
Is that another bottle of cheap liquor?
The gun is pointed at my head.
Where is my Savior?
The gun is ready to Load.
I put the bullets in the gun.
The gun is pointed at my head.
BANG!
How the world began and how the world ends.
Author notes
Option FOUR!
A contest entry
- Picture Based (new OPTIONS added!) by travis34dietC.
460 points, ended March 29, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
woah! seeing the title, i thought this would be funny but obviously this wasn't. very well written and powerful!
thanks for entering and good luck!
-
talented
i have read many poems feature death and suicide, but that was different, and a good different. i get bored of the typical old boring emotive peoms that really lack any passion and shape. i have to admit when i first saw the title i thought the poem was going to be about something else. However though i was sadly disapointed intially your poem to hold my respect throughout it. Mainly due to being different from other suicide poems as it had grace. it involved more of a story and the element of looking for the savior and asking for his help is great to see.
Breakdown:
Image: 9/10
Rhyme/flow- 8/10 (simply for flow)
Emotion- 8/10
Cohession- 8/10
Message- 6/10 (typical)
Overall: 8/10
-
Good
i love how you write about the small and big things that we all think about. i can't say that I realate to more than some of the thoughts, but I still like it. I'm glad you didn't do the cliché - "where has my life gone"
You did your own way, which is great!
-
AWWWWW i luv the title. i cant relate... or even pretend i do. im only 15. but i have read about this stage in life in a book called "Life-Span Developments". @ the beginning of the section they had a beautiful entry... n i can sumwut understand wut difficulty ur going thru. u did a 1derful job expressing it.
-
Damn
Been there Thought that. As I know this holds somewhat of a truth for both of us in certain ways. Yet its twisted enough to say, hey thats not us. And you know damn well it is Wonderful job my love. You dazzle my mind each day with something new. LEep the pen flowing! I love you!!
Always and Forever
Mi Amor
Emily
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
