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I Don't Have What it Takes Dad

 

I listen to others call out the name of their fathers
and I wonder what it feels like when they say the word
I know what I feel inside when I utter that word...Dad.


It brings so much sorrow from my heart to my lips
How is it possible that such a short word
Can bring about so much pain and anguish?


I spent my entire life trying to find that something
hidden amongst all the nothings you found in me
But, to no avail, still I spend countless hours trying.


I doubt I will ever make you proud, yet I continue to try.
Even as I stood on stage for woman of the year last year
I knew in my heart, that you still was not proud of me.


Father, today for the first time in my life I realize
I do not have what it takes to make you proud
Nor will I continue to live my life to try to please you.


Beginning this very moment, this very line, of this last stanza
I will now only live my life to please myself, my family, my God
I may be a failure in your eyes, and I am so sorry about that Dad.


But...

I will no longer fail them... 

                                 ...to fail at pleasing you!







                                                                              









A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Aesthete2000 gold member
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    I followed your link from white stone's piece--
    how difficult to write and relive the experience--
    but since it led to the firmness of the conclusion,
    perhaps just the healing solution needed.

    Powerful piece.
    Bravo for the strength you have found.

    M-C


  • white stone
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Yes, a similar tone between the two works for sure. My father is a different man now, but still a very distant man who is disappointed in me. It's okay... I think your last lines you wrote sums up how I feel about it. Someday, maybe, we will get to make our peace with them. Thanks for your review... it moved me, as did this piece.


  • mysticstorm gold member
    March 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    How wonderful written and sad...sorry to say I know this feeling well and I see it in my son's eyes everyday...the ending is so well done...we do fail ourselves and our family when we try to live up to what others expect from us...yet in truth you are the better person and have a beautiful heart and soul...you are perfectly you, with or without his thoughts.
    Blessings,
    mystic


  • Nikki Rowles
    March 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I love it

    I can soo relate to this one...you sooo made the finalists


  • Lady Altheia gold member
    May 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Hoodwinked!

    This is so heartwrenching. You should jusdt live up to your expectations and no one else's. Just worry about being the best you can be.


  • The Poetic Angel
    March 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    great write full of emotion sorry about the way you and your dad are wish i had some majik dust to help make him proud of you xxx cheeky xxx


  • Cannonsfire
    March 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh if this is autobiographical then it is truly sad, even if not there are so many who never seem to get the simple words of praise. You know Bono's dad was the same, he never told him he was proud of him, but told others instead, it's the one regret Bono has that his father couldn't give him that memory to cherish.


  • FisherCat
    March 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    HOLY SMOKES!

    Wow! What a read! There is soooo much pain and angst within your words! Even to this day, My dad has been gone for twenty years, and still do things to try to please him. WOW!! Thanks for sharing these dark emotions with us. Best of luck in the contest. Keep that pen flowing.


  • Rianna Bear
    March 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Okay, now that you're officially done ...

    I definitely feel the angst and sadness here! One things for sure, they never fail, to fail us (well most of them). I find it very interesting, yet true for myself as well, that even though they hurt us and refuse to acknowledge us, we still try so hard to please them. Something about having that acceptance is very important to a child. Thank you for sharing and good luck!

    *Rianna

    p.s. please no commenting/rating until after judging. thank you!

1 - 11 of 11