A bird called his love
“ I am here”,
in a smooth sailing voice
that reverberated through hills;
Instant answer is back
“ I am here”,
A male bird searched and searched
on all corners,
in the direction of voice,
When it repeated, “ I am here”
The same response was back,
The bird searched with a pounding heart,
Looking towards the voice
but could not site the sweet mate,
Where did this reply from?
the bird bewildered,
but continued to call his mate
in the wilderness;
It flew over every bush,
Searched crevices of every rock
Until it no longer cried!
When it rested
The voice also stopped,
But the bird was a bit saddened
Unable to locate his love
The bird reconciled in the end
That it may be an echo
Sent by the distance hill
To tease lovers
Straying into the forest
Author notes
"the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout"
A contest entry
- S IS FOR STRENGTH OF SPIRIT & SOULMATES on the way to Z by Blue Rew.
1710 points, ended October 26, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell Me a Story (A PIF Contest) by malkinpuss.
1050 points, ended December 3, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All People Who Know Me Please Check This Contest Out by PureRomance.
559 points, ended December 12, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Catagories!!!!! by Maybe.I.Am.Broken..
315 points, ended December 10, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Honorable mentions contest by creationsfromheart.
525 points, ended December 31, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fairy-Tales, Spirit-Tales And Tales-Of-Wisdom ... In Verse by maa.
543 points, ended April 10, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest for free verse poems ( prewrites allowed... without medals) by Manoj Sanyal.
370 points, ended April 23, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fairy Tales - Retell or Remake them! PREWRITES OK more points as we go! by Melissa Burns.
425 points, ended May 6, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - all HM winners! by Cat10.
850 points, ended May 19, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Howl Of Creativity Calls For You! by LadyOfFate.
450 points, ended May 20, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write free verse fromsubjects given Winklings & friends # 84 by Lyndon.
3500 points, ended May 27, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Broken Heart by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended July 31, 2008, 118 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abandoned and Disillusioned by Dancing Feather.
600 points, ended August 19, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Love Story With A Twist by Venus25.
425 points, ended September 16, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want to meet people by written-in-ink.
600 points, ended September 27, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My first contest :) Loads of Options, Allowing Pre-writes. Come in and see:D by chilali.
700 points, ended November 5, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter your GOLD or SILVER prewrites here!! by perfectsunset.
400 points, ended November 6, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the eternal pleasure... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
400 points, ended November 13, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All the cowgirls shakin' their sassafras ~ Holler Back ~ Down Home Poetry (open now to PWs) by Xianaria.
900 points, ended December 7, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #33 CONTEST (: by Walk-Free.
400 points, ended December 15, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Echo - Prewrites Welcome by Danna Hobart.
400 points, ended January 4, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 60 of 60
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Well, after reading your title and the first couple of lines, I knew that they bird would not find his mate. It was just too obvious.
Also, I am looking for poetry that shows instead of tells. This poem tells from beginning to end. -
a really adorable poem.
yet, there was a tinge of sadness in this.
not exactly what i was looking for. the poem sounded a little 'broken' to me. like the story could've gotten deeper.
but thanks, nonetheless, for entering this sweet write
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Thank you for entering ~
This is an interesting and unique write. I enjoyed the read.
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yes..this is really very true and very painful though..your philosophy of this love is very much touching my friend..thanks for sharing it..
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A very sweet poem. Thank you for sharing this and entering my contest. Good luck to you.
Please do mention the option you chose and the line "the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout" in your AN. If you read the entire contest page, you'll know why.
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i love this very much
it is so nice and sweet
and
idk
i just love it
thank you so much
so what do you want to be in my family? -
opps
i wasnt going for PW but
i guess i will let you slide
hahah
but please include what i asked for thank you! -
Awesome!
Wow... amazing! I would never have thought of writing about the love of birds to represent... well love! Great idea!
Best of luck! -
Nice entry. I liked this peice.
Bravo
'D' -
Beautiful!
Trapped in ones own self , a beautiful and truly creative way to express...love the metaphor here...We do have to look beyond ourselves, to lead a peaceful life....
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Ooopsie
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This poem is quite lovely, beautifully done.
How is it that you have this talent Ven? -
WONDERFUL!!!!
Could it be that echo or could it be nature singing out to one of its children> ;D's Who may say! Such a lovely write!
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site the sweet mate=> sight the sweet mate.
I read this poem with much interest, especially dwelling on the final lines.
Thank you for entering this contest and best wishes.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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i liked this one. we all chase after love. sounds like my best freind at the momennt. she is trying to find her soul mate. she's twenty and she thinks she has to get amrried in the next two or three years.
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OH there is such a sadness in this piece. I loved it. conformed beautifully to the contest specs.
Well done. Thank you for a lovely entry and best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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I know a guy who thought his echo was a beautiful girl and kept chasing it..... he was an idiot. but lovely poem.
what no lollipops? -
thank you for entering this poem! it is written so wonderfully! you did a great job! good luck in the contest!
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This poem really tells me an unhappy story, of a person who wants to be free and find love, but is trapped with their own desire that they are still without the thing they want the most; love.
I felt so bad for the little bird, when his hopes had gone up that maybe he had found a mate. To later to discover that it was only his echo.
excellent write
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I really enjoyed this poem. I seem to remember an old story similar to this (tho I can't remember what now...) and it's such a sad little tale. I love that it's a bird - the start of this poem was full of imagery and really pulls the reader in and carries them through the story. Good job
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This is a good story and penned well in simple language.
Last four lines are deep indeed.
Best wishes and good luck.
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an excellent tale of wisdom ...
aren't we all like that little bird lured by our own reflections, following siren-song of seduction, losing ourselves in futile distractions ?
your words are wise and offer a precious insight into human nature ... inviting to stay quiet and realize that what we had taken for "real" was just appearance disguised as reality ...
thank you for this thoughtprovoking - yet thought-appeasing
poem
maa
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Love the poem
I love the poem, and the beginning grabbed me I loved your usage of the " and . and commas however as you got to the end you used none, I think the poem would be more worth than an HM with fixing them...
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Congrats on the shiny!
A well deserved one. This is a beautiful write, best of luck to you
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Good job, best of luck in my contest.
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Wow you did a wonderful job with this my friend. Congratulations on winning Honorable Mention with this poem. God bless you and best wishes to you in this contest as well. Keep up the excellent work.
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Thank you for entering my contest! A lovely write!
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Very original. The search for our soulmates through each life cycle can be seen portrayed here. There
are many who will be mistaken for that one true soul
that completes you...many "echoes" along the path of
love. -
A beautiful write..Ahh the echos cast upon the wind..
I adore the imagery of this write..Excellent..smiles
Peace and best wishes with this entry..
~A~
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This is such a beautiful piece. He chases after the love he hears calling only to realize it may have been his own voice. Beautiful imagery. Thank you for entering my contesting and sharing your work.
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wow
an echo sent to tease lovers
what an amazing thought
quite a sad one though
very touching
wonderfully penned
good work
keep it up
cheers -
Your poem is indescrabable. I liked the part that said, 'That it may be an echo
Sent by the distance hill
To tease lovers
Straying into the forest'. I can't fully explain why but that part stood out to me. Unfortunately though, this poem doesn't say anything about loyalty in love. And I am very sorry that my sister's contest was so specific. Your poem is amazing, as are a few others in this contest. She has her work cut out for her. Thank you for entering her contest and good luck.
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Sigh, sort of sad. But at the same time I think it is sort of the way we feel when looking for that special person we want to share our lives with. I got a little confused with this line
Until it no longer cry!
It seemed that it should be cried rather than cry since the other words are past tense?
I enjoyed reading it though. It draws comparison between nature nature and human nature, I think. It was easy to not only get a picture in the mind, but a feel as well.
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I corrected from 'cry' to 'cried'. Thank you. it is incredible that you read my poem with such attention. I am really so lucky.I felt I am at the top of the world. Thank you
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smells fragrance
beautiful story in the verse form.a very nice illustration and the fondness of the bird to search for the sounding mate neatly worded to smell fragrant -
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Thank you. Your comments are so sweet as usual.
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I really liked this poem and even related to it a bit.job well done and keep it up.I do have a few questions though.Did you intend for the poems plot to be given away in the title.it gave me a small sense of what to expect, but in not saying this is a bad thing.after all it could just be a chararistic of your own personal style.and second would it mess up the poem if you add the letter "a" in front of the word bit?As in "But the bird was a bit saddened"?Good job though.I await your reply
H. -
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Thank you very much for meticulous read. I have carried out correction and the poem look a bit more beautiful
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good imagery, great flow, overall good poem i really enjoyed bravo, well done.
When it rested
The voice also stopped,
But the bird was bit saddened
Unable to locate his love
The bird reconciled in the end
That it may be an echo
Sent by the distance hill
To tease lovers
Straying into the forest
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Wow this poem is really good yet it's sad at the same time. Great work and it's also very well writte. Keep it up.
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I liked this, it was very cute. My only real complaint is that the title instantly gave away the sorta 'twist' of the poem, if that's what you were going for.
The only dependable thing about the future is uncertainty.
-Chaos -
great!
oh, this is so cute, and so appropriate for me to have read today because it's the first day that actually FEELS like spring, and what better poem to read than one about teasing lover birds? lol! great write, it's so playful and immaginative!!
--gooshawn <3 xoxo
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very original. I loved it. i thought this was brilliant. very cool. the fact that it isn't like anything else really drives home your talent. good going! thank you for sharing it here today. peace and light, kp
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Thank you. It is so long since I heard from you. I really looked forwad to your comments, ever since my debut in all poetry.com.
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Nice. The imagery of the hills and crevaces and forests was well placed, and I could almost see them. The poem takes the reader with the bird as it's fooled by the echo, and fools the reader, too. In the end, I was left wondering, Was it actually an echo?
Nice -
That it may be an echo
Sent by the distance hill
To tease lovers
Straying into the forest
Should such an echo be sent to me, I would be compelled to follow and find the end result. Perhaps a dream lover or even more. This was beautiful thank you for sharing it with me! -
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Thank you for taking it as a personal challenge. I wish my friend not to get deluded by echo but find his real mate. Very sweet comments.
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This speaks to me of wandering loneliness. That your heart is speaking but no one is hearing it but yourself. Wonderful visual effects. Teases the mind and makes one really think about the scene as it plays out. Wonderfully done!
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a very straight to the point read...
but at the same time i could assemble a different plot of its own..
it's like a message to be smart, be wise, and not wasting time
it's like a message to show that in life, we may change girlfriends/boyfriends as if it was changing clothes from the repetition in the write but deep in the 'forest' there exists of a loyal someone...
..should i carry on? hahaha...
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This is really sweet. Even though its a bird I think we can all relate at some point to looking for love and not being able to reach it. I like how the bird decides its an echo but its not him making the echo its just the hills making fun. Thats truly amazing. I know I can relate to that little bird and hope one day the echo returns and he finds its not really an echo but his mate.
NoL
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I am in awe of this incredible poem,you have a remarkable talent!I loved every moment of thought this stirred in me.
A few things I got stuck on though:Line 15 is missing the word 'come',
Line 17 would have made better sense to me had you left out the word 'but' and then in line 21,I wasnt sure if the word 'cry' should read 'cried' or the word 'could' needed to be included?
Thank you for a wonderful read,I really enjoyed the moment.
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COOL
Where on earth did you come up with this one? lol I find it a bit odd, but it is awesomely written. Nice imagery, and yummy vocabulary. I sooo enjoyed reading and commenting on such a fine piece of work. keep on penning!
POETDONTKNOWIT
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I think your an eccellent poet, great write and such wonderfull use of words. all poems should be written like this
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When it rested
The voice also stopped,
But the bird was bit saddened
Unable to locate his love
The bird reconciled in the end
That it may be an echo
Sent by the distance hill
To tease lovers
echo of each and everything......shows the inner beautiful mind of you honey!...keep it up! -
The same response was back,
The bird searched with a pounding heart,
Looking towards the voice
but could not site the sweet mate,
Where did this reply from?
This made me think of being helpless...and not being able to find the thing you want the most. This poem is great, it has depth, the words flowed wonderfully, and the backround of the page, adds to the "earthyness" (is that even a word?? ha ha..but anyways..) of the write. this was really really good. Keep up the great work! -Pamela- -
Oh. This is a nice little poem that you have here. It is kind of sad though because you feel bad for the little bird that only wanted to find love and you kept hoping that he will but he doesn't. It left me with a sad feeling. I think you did a good job of expressing that.
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You have a great comment here. Sorry for leaving you sad.
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Silly little Narcissus. Echo is a treacherous lover!
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The bird reconciled in the end
That it may be an echo
Sent by the distance hill
To tease lovers
Straying into the forest
Indeed a very a touchy and heartfelt work you have detailed here with so pure and so magical momments of life and magical versions of muse... I adore your depth my friend..a great poem is here..
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Thank you 'sir' your comments are wonderful as always
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