Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

What Stopped The Rain

Can you tell me what stopped the rain?
Was it all of the pain
That made those tears fall from heaven

The rain that drowned the world in sorrow
That made trees wither
Caused the oceans to dry
Made the earth stop spinning
And angels die

Do you know what caused this rain?
To stop pouring from the sky
The death of a dream
In the mind of a child

Wishing on morning stars
That somewhere way up high
An angel would come
To take away their pain

One last wish for all
To know the love of God
The joy of life
Was it that Childs Death?

That caused the rain to stop
Was it that child who gave life to all?
And hope too many
Guess we'll never know
Until the rain falls again

And wishes bring light
To the stars of night

Author notes

A childs pain


Option 1

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    June 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow i like how this is written very different.Wow very well written i like it alot. I could picture all the different emotions as i read. Thanks for entering my contest. I wish you the best of luck.

    ..<3..
    Shelly..
    ..<3..


  • ronnica
    June 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I liked your poem but it does not follow the rules for concrete poetry, so will not be included in the judging, you may try again if you wish


  • flaed
    January 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    verry touchanle. nice word choice. thank you for entering.


  • PerfectImperfection
    May 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A very deep and endearing piece of loss. Thought provoking. Thank you for your entry!


  • duke of balabamas
    March 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i really liked the idea behind this one.

    i much prefer dark pieces that have a more innocent voice, because they are much more easily executed and far less redundant. needless to say, this is going to get one of those "more favorable" reviews because it has an automatic 40-50 points built in.

    the form of the piece is a generally four line composition that ends in a rhyming couplet, as if you didnt know. but the drawback to this type of structure is that it really rests a lot of its weight on that ending couplet which here doesnt have enough power behind it.

    the poem flows a lot like a free verse poem. it just dotted with occasional faux-accidental rhyme, and such really doesnt look as appealing center-aligned, but thats just a matter of my personal style.

    writing from this innocent perspective gives you an out on the sophistication of your wording, but its not excuse to use the old "tears from heaven" bit. i would challenge you to try something more unique with that particular introductory bit.

    another problem here is the isolation of images in stanzas. theres not enough elaboration on the oceans and the stars throughout the piece, and they dont serve an entirely metaphorical purpose so they seem more empty images than effective tools in setting a scene.

    overall a great perspective and subject with a tolerable flow and some empty imagery lands this piece at about 65/100.




    DS


  • grrlshadow
    March 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "Do you know what caused this rain?
    To stop pouring from the sky
    The death of a dream
    In the mind a child

    Wishing on morning stars
    That somewhere way up high
    An angel would come
    To take away their pain" I really like this part, and the entire idea you got from the quote. This is sad and beautiful all at once! "That caused the rain to stop
    Was it that child who gave life to all?" poignant, lovely. Thank you for this entry, and good luck in the contest!

1 - 6 of 6