about almost everyone I know is getting suicidal. and i cant take this shit right now. theres just too much going on with me. my head hurts right now and my throat feels soar. and i dont feel so good inside. im trying to be there the best way i can...but its so damn hard!!! trying to be there for peole you care about while battling your own mess. but im trying. i dont want to be a bad friend and they wind up killing themselves and i blame myself for not being there like i should have been.
depression sucks. it really fuking sucks. i am so tired of being sad. im tired of listening to people whine about how their life is so damn fucking bad and about shit that i cant fix for them!!!!! life is a bitch deal with it. i am so fuking tired of all this shit!!! i am tired of everything at home. i just want everything to be alright. not perfect. but alright.
god my head hurts!!!! i need to lay down or something. chill out.
October 5 2005
Author notes
I decided that I wanted to post some old journal posts on here. For me, it's a reflection on how I was then and how much I've changed. For you all, it's to see what I was like and how I felt (and still do feel) sometimes about stuff. It was really hard to post this but im kinda hoping that by doing this i can find some type of closure on some issues that i haven't quite let go of yet.
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