living in
the desert
a childlike innocence
grows back
the innocence of thinking
that all hills
are made of warm sand
you did break something
you smashed
my warm sandy simplicity
it shattered on
the forgotten granite
in a thousand puzzled pieces
that my heart feels too tired
to put together again
Author notes
about innocent grown ups, yeh we still are that way, who get into trouble and heartbreak
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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it is very rewarding
to put a reward on a poem. This is the first time I did that. I want to thank everybody for the kind comments. Also critical notes are welcome. I have been known to change things in my poems because of it. -
sad. i cant even put together a 500 piece puzzle, anyways. i like your style. "warm sand" makes me think of the beach, where i want to go *sigh*
great poem -
Fantastic!!!!!
This was soo heartfelt! This was very touching. Yeah I have to agree, I think even grown ups feel this way sometimes. Thanks for sharing this fantastic read. Keep your pen flowing. -
this is very true, i really loved this especially the desert imagery. is that an intentional metaphor for love? just wondering. i love the honesty in this poem as well.
peace -
Excellent lines, weak lines
The beginning stanza of the poem is rather weak and repitious making me think the persona in the poem deserves to get smashed, but the smashed sand on the reality of the undelying granite is wonderfully classic. My heart is with you on that. Create more of an innocent image in the beginning without using the word itself and I think you will have a true winning poem. -
It's easy to be 58 and still have an innocence ... (me LOL) I also live in the desert and know about open space and warm sand, so in a way, I could relate to this. But I also know about cactus and thorns
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I think it's a very open poem (to me it is! )
I don't really understand the note you wrote: Innocent grown ups. For me it is more like an inocent growing up. I always like to reed poems like this, simply becouse it chalenges me to use my head. Because it really is something I need to reed a few times to get a feeling with it.
I think you did a job well done. -
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growing up
is never done. It is supposed to be innocent growing up but a grown up can be innocent in some areas. Or get back to being innocent. I know I did!!!
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It is ok to be innocent, but not naive~ My father once told me, We need to choose who we allow ourselves to fall in love with. If you take yourself back for a moment in any given situation.. you will be able to see the risk involved and be able to assess its value!
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wise man
Your father was a very wise man and I wish we always used our heads in that way. But nothing more fickle as mankind. They may appear the one thing while being something else. And this poem is exactly that...an evaluation of a past thing. But it darn well can hurt.
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