Jagged breaths
pierce the solid symphony of notes
pounding in my ears.
My legs, heavy with guilt
and regret,
weak from fatigue and starvation,
locked in grim resolve,
carry my shrinking body
up and down a street
up and down the stairs
over and over,
and over
until all that's left in my body
is fatal determination
and a web of memories I'm trying to run from.
But to no avail -
I return to my bed
and it's all there waiting for me.
Worn into the sheets,
sewn into the mattress.
Staining my pillow.
A spilled cocktail of self-pity,
self-loathing, degradation, betrayal,
innocence lost.
And there I sit.
A quintessential victim.
A child, barely older than 5,
trapped in the body of a maturing young woman
who is forced, every day,
to face the world
that makes her face the mirror
and pick herself apart
until she wastes away.
Malnutrition eats at my bones.
My mind blinks on and off at will,
commanding my muscles to shut down
or my legs to give out at any given moment.
Sometimes my mouth refuses to open,
my throat refuses to swallow,
my stomach refuses to digest.
Other times the fork finds it's way past my lips,
the food snakes it's way into my body.
Desperate times call for fingers
forced knuckle-deep onto the back of a
sensitive, sore tongue.
Poison floods my cerebellum
and gnaws at my ability to rationalize.
Hours a day are spent on a scale in front of a mirror,
scrutinizing every inch of my body.
Hours are spent with a flame to my skin,
tears rolling down to meet my lips
as I scream at myself
HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU LET THEM DO THIS TO YOU?!
Hours are spent,
sleeping away guilt and frustration
on my mattress,
permanently soiled by my utter failure as a human being.
Author notes
My name is Alex,
my username is carrot.
If you don't like my poem, I hope you'll tell me why so I can at least grow as a writer. Thank you.
A contest entry
- Who doesn't love options. Ch-check it out! :] by ShInE45DoWn.
1300 points, ended March 27, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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how extremely sad this write is. so so sad. thank you for sharing it with me today and congratulations on the bronze trophy for this contest. viyanna rosemarie
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Whoa.
I usually don't like such long poems, but this one was totally worth the extra time. It was just...wow. I can't think of anything else. Great, great poem.
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wow.
I'm at a loss for words. Amazing write, great ending, this poem is racked with anguish.
"My mind blinks on and off at will,
commanding my muscles to shut off"
You might want to say "commanding my muscles so shut down"; since you previously used the word off. :]
Good write and good luck
shinE* -
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I am SO glad you said something about that, because that was the main thing that was bothering me and I couldn't figure out how to re-word it. Thank you!
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No, it's good. Seriously. I like the language that you use in here, it makes it flow well and it's strong. I'm here whenever you need me, you know that. But this is a good poem.
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This is an awsome poem. Your imagrey is so poignant and full of emotion. You paint such a beautiful but painful picture of brokeness with such refined craftsmanship. Its beautiful.
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Wow, this is so emotional and so honest. I love the inner child references. And I can relate to some of the pain in this poem. I was with a guy who was critical of my body and I started to slip into a bit of this, but thankfully it didn't get that far.
Excellent excellent piece! Glad I read this. -
Hours are spent,
sleeping away guilt and frustration
on my mattress,
permanently soiled by my utter failure as a human being.
well there is a picture here.. a picture of life...a picture of the truth...a picture of the fate as well..so tender and so touching deliveres of this poem makes it a great write ...This is really so heartfelt and intriguing too bringingthe querries of this great playground where every day we are playing and playing round the clock..The concept here is very thought provoking and very beautiful as well.. a great work indeed
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omg omg this is soo sad...its truely worth my time..you write very nicely..and keep up the good prewrite..
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This broke my heart.. to pieces. Deeply emotional, direct, raw.. painful. Well written. Good luck in the contest. Debby
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I really like this, its so raw and emotional.
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