As a man ages
His memories fade
Some of the wisest sages
Require constant aid
But with every day that may pass
I can look back again
And see the little lass
That has become a beautiful woman
And while my memory may fade
I will never forget
The day our child was made
While we laid 'neath the sunset
I will always remember
That look in your eye
While I was another contender
Enraptured by your sigh
I sheltered you in my arms
While the world turned it's back
Made you forget all the harms
While you hugged me back
And years down the road
It's just you and me
Speaking in hushed code
About the past and aujourd'hui
You ask me if I remember
About how your beauty besot
And I whisper a soft reminder
It will never be
Forgot
A contest entry
- Write about love by Saphire Dreams.
450 points, ended March 25, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round Contest!! Anything goes this first round. by FightOffYourDemons.
300 points, ended April 7, 2007, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 15 Titles~ Contest. Open Till All Are Taken!! by Rianna Bear.
600 points, ended April 3, 2007, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Awe. I love this. It's so beautiful and sweet. You write masterfully. Nicely done.
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wow. this write is amazing. very beautiful. gr8 flow. Awesome.
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What a lovely poem. You have capured the feel of such a special moment between two people in a very delicate and moving way.
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Its lovely and heart warming. I like the way it fits together so nicely.
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Beautiful write..Such maturity in this piece from such a young poet..
Very nicely written
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That was so beautiful, and the form worked really well with this write! Great ending!! Thanks for sharing and for your entry.
Rianna -
Beautifully Written
Wonderfully constucted, Cool content and vocabulary. Who cares about rhymes and stuff anyway, is heartfelt, That`s what makes great writing. I remember vividly, will never forget, the moment my daughter was conceived. Just knew something was irrevocably different. .
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beautiful
this was a very beautiful one i loved it great job!!!
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This is very cute. Saying that it has some serious awkward moments with the rhyme scheme. I think that it just really did not work well for you at all. It is overly pressured and it seems like you had to lose the concept of the poem to fit it into a rhyme in some places.
Good luck
Nikki -
aww
how sweet. I think this is quite lovely and holds plenty of emotion. How could one ever forget the best times of their life? I think you did a great job with this title. -
very good wish u luck in my contest
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this is one of the most endearing poems i think i shall ever read in my entire life!!!!8roll*!!!! overall, your love and your soul are so great with your thoughts that that is amazing in itself!!!!!
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hmm an intersting poem very heart felt and beautiful, the ending is especially my famovirte how you broke up the last line compared the the regular four lined stanza seems to ut a pause into the peice, making the final lines and purpose of the poem stand out, very beautiful, and very well done.
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i like this it has a flow o it a little jumpy but its still good and i fully understand it.. lol your sweet
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