I entered the lowest level of Hell with my Host.
There the most cruel and vicious
were put to endure everlasting torment.
I saw a man seated in a great chair.
His body and his face were of a condition
mere words cannot describe:
He was the essence of pain;
pain so magnified as to be
beyond the endurance of any creature.
He sat as flesh in a throne chair
and the anguish in his face and deep pitted eyes
made a horrible spectre, a negative space,
it drew the very light from the cavernous chamber.
It was as if it were all drawn into him for he was so empty.
“The Lord knoweth me not” he said,
and in such a mournful way
that his words dragged across my hearing
like chains against a stone floor:
"The Lord knoweth me not.”
But at his feet sat a child aglow
and bright in the light of Heaven.
"How could this be” I asked my dark Host
"such an Angel of God here in this forsaken place?”
My Host looked at me with those sunken circles
which suffered his eyes and said:
"the Angel is the spirit of a child
harmed in life by the man in the chair,
the Angel is in the highest of Heaven,
a loving Angel is giving an ablution.”
"Dear Lord,this is the torment of the lowest Hell;
to have one’s feet washed in the lives one destroyed."
I wondered aloud "Pain piled atop dread, to be forgiven in such a way."
“Here there is nowhere to hide”
my Host intoned, in a voice like the rumble of the sea,
“no wine, no laughter."
"There is only the face of the wronged,
the terrible knowledge of the deep offense to God,
and the gentle washing of feet...”
"I forgive you, I will always love you”
said the Angel.
The man in the chair bolted and writhed
as if some lightning spark of fresh and severe agony had taken him over.
His sinews seemed they would split and tear way.
His spine curled up and away from the chair;
but he could not move.
“He is bound by Spirit for all time;
to be forgiven and loved by everyone he had destroyed,”
came the voice like the rolling of the tide.
“The Lord knoweth me not”
the man in the chair groaned and howled.
It was as if some fracture in the very bowels of Hell
had cut him to the mark of his Soul.
I looked all around and everywhere
there were men and women in throne chairs.
At the feet of each were smiling bright Angels
and behind each kneeling Angel were many, many more Angels
and they were legion.
From each sweet voice intoning:
“I forgive” there came a roar,
the agonized howls, and writhing in the chairs.
The spirit bound souls of the evil doers sat soaked in the
awful torment of Angelic forgiveness.
I turned to my host “And the lord knoweth them not?”
"yes, the Spirit binds them but they are without God."
“Forever” I asked--
"Come with me…" he rumbled like low and distant thunder
“ Decensus Averni et Facile” (the descent into Hell is easy.)
We walked downward to the upper levels of Hell, ever downward.
I pulled my pen and pad from my coat
and with a trembling hand I wrote:
The descent into Hell is an easy gait
the path is smooth and always straight.
Next step brought on by the first
no want left to hunger and no need left to thirst
And I saw a man with blood on his hands
and a curious story on his lips:
“For you I have destroyed a man
with blood on his hands
and a lie across his lips.”
But not for me, said I. It was not my will.
The quality of mercy is not strained, and still
this man with the curious grin
began to twist, turn and spin and spin
and his curious tale began to fade
until a rather deadly leer displayed.
Oh, by the Lord of mercy and dread
it was the man in the chair. Instead
of the suffering he would endure
was about his task, earning his cure.
I had seen his fate, so patiently in wait.
Then I had a vision cruel of an old feeble man
bound hand and foot on the very edge of life. Again
it seemed I knew, I had seen him in a throne chair too.
Vengeance said I, his day of evil had long been through.
Then I awakened as if from a deep sleep.
[I was sleeping by the wasteside of tomorrow]
But all around me seemed eerily strange
So unfamiliar was all.
I stood up from the bed
and looked back to see no bed.
I went to a door and opened it.
I looked back and there was no door.
Nothing there at all.
There is nothing here, but me, Ishmael.
In my hand, I feel my pad, and on my pad
these words… you have seen.
Author notes
retelling of Dante's Inferno
Wasteside-I was sleeping by the wasteside of tomorrow
Note: the use of throne chair... a type of chair styled as a throne but not carrying the authority of a place of royalty.
A contest entry
- Regina and a Story by bachelorette.
525 points, ended March 25, 2007, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dante's Inferno by lesbian-in-love.
655 points, ended December 12, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Wow. That was long but very good. Had me captivated from the first few lines. Thanks so much for entering a fine piece of work. Good luck to thee in my contest.
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I really wish you had read the rules so I wouldn't have to DQ a really great poem. your welcome to enter another poem if you wish.
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Dante's Inferno...What a hellish wayside while he was imprisioned. Wonderful dark tale! A walk on the wild side. Tish
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""I forgive you, I will always love you”
said the Angel.
The man in the chair bolted and writhed
as if some lightning spark of fresh and severe agony had taken him over.
His sinews seemed they would split and tear way.
His spine curled up and away from the chair;
but he could not move.
“He is bound by Spirit for all time;
to be forgiven and loved by everyone he had destroyed,”
came the voice like the rolling of the tide.
“The Lord knoweth me not”
the man in the chair groaned and howled.
It was as if some fracture in the very bowels of Hell
had cut him to the mark of his Soul."
Was my favorite part... good job and thanks for entering my contest. -
I haven't read dantes in awhile.
You have a tremedous talent for dark writing. A lot of people have varied styles. If I were to have written this, I would've used prose or freeverse, but only because I feel as though I can more accurately depict description that way. It gets cramped easily if you're wordy in a stanza.
Not that it's wrong, this is an amazing write, but "I stood up from the bed
and looked back to see no bed." I would word that differently...try not to use "bed" twice...things of that nature.
There are far too many lines and descriptions I find noteworthy, but "His spine curled up and away from the chair" (as simplistic as it is, it's a realistic visual people can imagine, and their minds can readily envision a slew of characters to fit that skin. That one is my favorite...
It was sort of like choosing a favorite flavor of ice cream...when they're all so good!
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Many thanks Trioxin for reading
this lengthy piece and your valuable comments and editorial points...most welcome and appreciated...PK
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congrats!
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Thank you MontyP
I don't really have words to thank you for your efforts on this long and needy piece, so please know that I take this knowledge with me as I go forward. Most honored by your Silver...PK
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The poem reads and looks more flush now. Thank you.
-K -
Most of my comment is on grammar:
• my poor words cannot describe---“poor” is a very poor adjective; I know from the rest of the piece you can think up something better.
• overuse of “so”: so magnified, so negative, so empty, so unfamiliar
• And in such a mournful way---no need for “such”;
sat a child all aglow---no need for “all”/no need to use superfluous adverbs; it makes for wordy lines
• 3rd stanza: There are four backwards quotation marks (lines 19, 22, 23, 26).
• …---an ellipsis is used to indicate an omission, lengthy pause, or a speaker trailing off. You have used it in place of a comma in line 22.
• Try to be consistent with capitalization. There are times when you capitalize the first letter of a line (when not necessary) and other times you don’t (though it is necessary, specifically line 26).
• Why do you capitalize Hell and not Heaven, even though you mean the proper noun? It’s usually a choice of style whether to capitalize or not, but if you capitalize one, you should capitalize the other.
• Oh my---seems more trite and frivolous than emotional.
• Line 39: another backwards quotation mark
• cut him to his core---I like your imagery up until here. This is very cliché.
• in throne chairs---A throne is a chair.
• What happened to the quotation marks in the 7th stanza? They should all be double: “”.
• Not sure I like the parenthetical statement in the 7th stanza. It’s like an editor’s note that shouldn’t be in the poem.
• You’re definitely overusing the ellipses. A period in the middle of a line will cause a reader to pause just as well, and be correct.
• You should be consistent with punctuation. If you’re going to use periods, use them all of the time, or else you confuse the reader (I had to reread a few lines to make sure that one sentence had indeed ended).
• You overuse commas in the last stanza, causing the reader to pause too frequently and unnecessarily.
•everyone he had destroyed,”---the comma followed by the end quotation mark is the correct punctuation. This is how the others should look.
Bits I really liked: "He sat as flesh," "that his words dragged across my hearing/like chains against a stone floor," "in a voice like the rumble of the sea."
All in all, this was enjoyable to read. The story and imagery were very well penned. Thank you very much for your entry!
-K -
I thought of the Inferno immediately
You have given us an amazing picture of sin and redemption. -
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Thank you Muirghiel
for your kind words and for reading this long piece, much appreciated...Yes, sin and redemption..that was the idea, yes...PK
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It takes an intellect to read Dante's Inferno and understand all that is imagined but an even more intelligent man to see it and retell it as brilliantly as this.
Love, C
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Thank you Chez
for your kind and generous words...Dante was one of my favorite pieces...PK
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"He sat as flesh in a high throne chair
and the anguish in his face and deep pitted eyes
made a horrible spectre, so negative a space,
it drew the very light from the cavernous chamber."
{shudders} What a tragic, stark & shadowed re~telling of this classic consuming fire, my Friend...Ahhh, but you're such an intelligent writer, Poet Man...Bravo...Good luck in the contest, Sweetie...
Wanda
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Whoah! That was the most strange, dark, eerie thing I've read in awhile!! The ending was so darn creepy...made me feel uneasy in my own skin!!!
So, was he awake, or asleep. Asleep in a dream, or awaken into a dream? Holy moly, my head just spun! He woke from what he thought to be a dream, but the writing was on his pad, as if real. Now that makes me shiver!!! wooooh!
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Thank you Rianna
hope I didn't give u a bad dream... thanks for reading and sorry for the chills; I don't do this type of thing often... PK
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