The catastrophe shined, and I watched it twisting,
But it can't touch me, I am just here existing
My surroundings are just a surreal machine
Attached to a fake three-dimensional screen
I let go of the passion that I had been clutching
Only taking up space here, not feeling, just touching
In the fresh silent void that the speaker destroys
It's a living still life where there's no use for noise
The fact there is no existence of fact
Sends a cloud of relief for no need to react
Smoke without outline reduces impact
Of the violence and war that the characters act
But this blurred out picture was never designed
To take part in mistakes of my faltering mind
Maybe my eyes just got closer to blind
'Cause I think I've accidentally pressed the rewind
Closing my eyes and counting to ten
I'll pray that it's not what happened then
As my mind rains a flashback, remembering when
The monster came onto the screen again
Then came the flood of electrical shocks
And the cracks from the hands of the turning back clocks
I just listen to wait for the crack of dawn
The alarm reminds me to turn subtitles on
My lungs are constricted by oxygen vines
'Cause I finally read in-between the lines
The faces that I had thought came from above
Were the lucid material dreams are made of
But I either forgot or became unaware
That purity sometimes can turn to nightmare
With a vivid and tantalizing stare
I stay mute, but I'm speaking a soundless prayer
I persist thanks to everything I can conceal
By reminding myself that nothing is real
There's a sense of alert that I never feel
And now those blurred edges have lost their appeal
I closed my eyes and I counted to ten
Exactly as it had crept up on me then
And the flashback rose up, remembering when
As the monster came out of the screen again
Author notes
March 21, 2007... The main concept of this poem kind of represents my personality... I am wayyyy overly apethetic, and I know it. I don't beleive things easily. For example, if I had a friend who said they were mad at me, I wouldn't beleive it until they yell at me. Words pretty much mean nothing to me. Actions are all I beleive. I am very dis-connected with reality and the only reason I know the difference between dreams and real life is the fact that I wake up... Everything just feels fake most of the time. If my hand fell through the solid keyboard while typing this, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised. And since I get in this little dream-like void, I don't catch onto things quickly, and if I do, I usually get wrong ideas. This was inspired because my girlfriend gave me her myspace password and told me I could check her shit, and I saw all these love-messages from her ex... I thought she was cheating on me, and she had betrayed me like what happened in my last relationship (which was a disaster)... Then later after I wrote this I found out the chick just still wanted her nuts, so my girlfriend was telling her that she didn't want to be with her anymore in the nicest way possible in order to not piss her off.
A contest entry
- Darkened Cigarettes by babydoll--x.
400 points, ended March 30, 2007, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Are You Dark Enough? by Wynsom Trouble.
450 points, ended December 15, 2007, 34 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The darkwrite Challenge Returns by Ktulu Blackwolfe.
300 points, ends October 17, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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this is dark...and a bit scary...thank you for the entry.
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I enjoyed reading this poem. It almost flowed like beat poetry.
Great job and good luck
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I like this, you have described how this can be a problem for you and gets in the way, I can relate to that. I am the opposite to you, I will believe things too easily, even if its a joke - I wont notice that it was so unless I know that persons sense of humour so well. Nicely done here.
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really good description. some of the rhymeing though feels really forced. good luck
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this is something that i can relate to very well, because i feel this everyday, the only thing i could find wrong with this write is one line doesn't seem to make sense, Were the lucid material dreams are made of the last part dreams are made of probably needs that after dreams or something of that sort, because it's an incomplete thought, but other than that this poem was beautifully and artfully written, some things i like was the incredible flow this had, as well as the rhyming as well, the emotion, or lack there of was what truely stuck out in this poem, because it makes you decide the voice of the poem for yourself, great write, good luck in the 2007 Raven Contest Qualifier and good luck in all of your future writes
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Thank you for sharing your poetry in this contest
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"Were the lucid material dreams are made of
But I either forgot or became unaware
That purity sometimes can turn to nightmare
With a vivid and tantalizing stare" is my favorite part good luck
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this is a very well written poem, I love the rhyming scheme, it isn't easy to keep up the four rhymes in a row but you have done it well... the rhythm is very good and keeps the beat the entire way through, the flow is a little awkward in a few spots, but it still reads very well...
I love the wording in this, through the entire poem you have kept up a very good weaving of words, well done!!!!
thank you for entering my contest adn good luck..
peace and light always. -
I have strange characteristics as well for a human being... Don't worry about it! Thanks for the entry! xxx
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I am sory to say that your entry excedes the amount of lines a poem is allowed to have in my contest I am sorry, but if you'd like to enter a different poem you may.
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"Closing my eyes and counting to ten
I'll pray that it's not what happened then
As my mind rains a flashback, remembering when
The monster came onto the screen again"
Was my favorite part... good job and thanks for entering my contest. -
amazing write
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wow...this is amazing....and i can basically relate....i don't believe words anymore.most the time they're just lies. great write, good luck and thankyou so much for entering!
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awesome babydoll
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great job. good luck in the contest. thanks for entering.
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i like this poem very much keep up the good work and
good luck on the contest
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