A melody flows inside of me
Flickering like old nostalgia,
Straining notes can be heard
Unfolding, an inner story.
An inward glance shows its smile
Remembering lilies in full bloom,
A purple rainbow brushes my lips
In the evening and every morning.
Soft light falls on an empty pillow
And the melody plays on its song,
A smell, a tinkle of laughter
Yesterdays smile has come again.
Dancing with no need for music
Laughing without a joke,
A journey to an ancient place
And the melody it still goes on.
The delicate flavour of chocolate
Still handwritten on my heart,
A voice rings through my head
And the melody skips on.
Author notes
"A Melody" for me is about the rhythm and flow of remembered love and wistfulness combined, and has impacted on me on many levels and so has become very important to me, and seems to move others too which affects me on altogether different way too.
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option 1 for the contest
In a list
A contest entry
- Everything deserves a chance, right? by ObliviousReality.
600 points, ended April 8, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To You... My Love by pimp daddy satin.
303 points, ended April 21, 2007, 110 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Very Best (pre-writes allowed) by Dark Whispers.
377 points, ended April 16, 2007, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything !! ( a truthwriter's contest ) by sweethelper.
300 points, ended April 22, 2007, 145 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Romance: Love, Fantasy and Passion by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended May 11, 117 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP Book Contest-- get published! by tinuelena.
900 points, ended September 19, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I like this unique take you have on the matter. Congrats on the trophy as well. "love and wistfulness combined, I like it and your notes lol
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"A melody flows inside of me
Flickering like old nostalgia,
Straining notes can be heard
Unfolding, an inner story."
Hmmm...liked the way you started the poem.The title of this poem really drags the reader directly into the poem. This is a good piece full of emotion and good imagery.I really liked the way you wrote the following lines
"An inward glance shows its smile
Remembering lilies in full bloom,
A purple rainbow brushes my lips
In the evening and every morning."
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There were two things that instantly stuck me about this poem and the memories of a past love or an ‘old flame’, which I found quite pleasing. The first is the comparison to a musical melody and the other is references to nature. Both images have qualities that are indigenous to love poetry and though they may be a little cliché, I feel they worked to a positive advantage in this write. Music and romance certainly go hand in hand no matter our age, race or gender.
In my opinion the one area that could be tidied up to promote this piece of work is to have some consistency in the use of capital letters as they are present in every line of every stanza except the first. It would be better to have them in every line (as Tennyson does) or to use them in the first line only of each stanza, then finish each stanza with a full stop. Any other punctuation used within the poem is the preference of the author but a few commas could aid the flow and hence the overall meaning and impression of the work
In the first stanza I like the use of the word “straining” as it made me feel as if this was a memory being recalled from a very distant past. Stanza 2 introduces the element of nature with references to lilies and rainbows which again is reinforced in stanza 3 by the use of “light” and “melody” thus ensuring coherence in the poem. “A smell, a tinkle of laughter / Yesterdays smile has come again” clears the memory in the readers mind, bringing stanza 3 to a focal point. Stanzas 4 and 5 allow the reader to ‘live out ’ a section of the authors memories and at this point I was recalling memories of my own, so I think this poem has succeeded with stimulation of my thoughts.
The two lines that seemed completely personal to the author are “The delicate flavour of chocolate / still handwritten on my heart” and I felt excluded from that particular memory, though I replaced it with some of my own as I read.
The concluding stanza left me with a feeling that these memories would go on, which was pleasing to be left with something to further my thoughts, rather than coming to an abrupt end. Personally, I like this poem a great deal and think other readers will too.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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WOW thank you for you detailed reply .. i take onboard your suggestions and have appended the poem already ,,,it was careless writing and lack of attention to detail, It means a lot to me this poem on many levels .....
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You're most welcome and I'm happy to have helped you in some small way. Recalling happy memories is a wondeful thing. Keep writing.
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thank you for entering this beautiful poem into this contest. the one thing i like {but not all prefer this} is the usage of punctuation throughout the write. as i have said, this is only me and not necessarily the preference of the other judges. thank you again for entering and i wish you well in this contest. viyanna rosemarie
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I love this. And the image of
"The delicate flavour of chocolate
Still handwritten on my heart"
particularly appealed to me. Thanks for entering! -
Peaceful and gentle beauty
flows from within your wonderful poem!!
Good luck in this contest, you've written
a winer!!! Rose of Ireland
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this was a very how you say vibrant poem, But it seems ap poets are now writing about nostalgia. Great poem. thanks for entering
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very intregueing for the first stanza. i like how you use the personification in here. it sounds like love and memories and happiness. you did an excellent job on this.*dont be shocked for a second judge to come by* thank you for entering, and good luck
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wow that was gorjus i absolutly love it!
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Bonita!
It has been a sheer pleasure reading this poem-I found myself relating to each and every line as I read on-Your title 'A melody'has an appealing haunting note to it -your choice of expression is brilliant,'unfolding, an inner story'-'Remembering lilies in full bloom
A purple rainbow brushes my lips'-'Soft light falls on an empty pillow'-'A smell, a tinkle of laughter'-'A journey to an ancient place'-'The delicate flavour of chocolate'-'A voice rings through my head'-extremely well chosen words
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BEAUTIFUL
First I'd like to welcome you to AP. This poem is beautifully penned and struck a chord in my heart. The melody is wonderful!!!
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