car alarm [freewrite #5]

my knuckles are white, the ledge is sharp
the concrete stabs, as unforgiving as God.
it's rough and now I'm doubting
but I can't turn back, not now.

my feet are dangling while my muscles strain...
the pills would have been easier
but the lack of an impact lacks the finality
of a kiss with the sidewalk

maybe mom was right, I was meant to die alone.
as my fingers slip, one by one,
like all the "i love you's" never spoken,
off the ledge, I let go-free, falling, reaching upward

I think of you until I hit the ground
and I wonder... did you think of me
when your heart stopped beating?
but then my life ends, noted only by a car alarm