Common sense taints the air,
And the creepers crawl across the sky.
/Burning holes in my eyes/
Killing faith with rigid blades,
Screams float upon the wind.
Which echoes in the grassy fields,
/She has forsaken my soul/
In a time far into the past,
A crossroad was laid by my feet.
Yet now only one road remains,
While the other burns away.
/Why was I not given a choice?
Or was this an unconscious decision I made?/
Smiles seem faker,
With daggers behind those eyes.
The eyes, which tear from memories that plague the mind.
/Kiss goodbye the future,
Wave away the pain,
For remember: Life Is But A Game./
March. 19th, 2007 at 8:45am
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Bye, Game Hunted.
/ / is not common sense, and eludes me in its significance. I like the opening 2 verses. "sky:/*Burning wholes in my eyes," {* '/' here meaning a line break, the which it is commonly used for, as '//' is also, where a one line down shift is meant by '/' } strikes me as more contiguant of significance. But on with reading your poem.
Whose screams float. Evocative, or maybe not: I hear no screams from common sense, and if the author is reduced to screaming at the mere occurance...I dunno, but it seems highly dramatic, which may be truth in the author's life, yet not so in the reader's mind unless 'Pickard makes it so'; ie. pick the hard words and form, make easy the communication of felt and thought.
OK: "She has forsaken" - now we're getting somewhere. Yet 'common sense' ... oh: the author seems judgemental of a choice which true love could but allow a voice, and that not perjorative.
Overall, this piece seems more a cathartic expression than a mature evocation of insight. One can relate, however torturously, and for that I applaud.
If life is but a Game, who is the Hunter?
GL on the romance.
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There is one fate. It is yours. The event do not exist without you.
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Wow. Very nice piece here. "Killing faith with rigid blades"...beautifully worded...wow...very memorable piece.
keep your head up!
Lizz
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