the feathers rose
as your body was pinned--
claw marks drizzled across the surface,
black echoing through the canvas,
and your arched back leaking shadows.
you were called angel, as you
covered your face and feet,
floating above the bed
you seemed weighted,
tarnished, with your
tongue swollen and
red flecks caught in your hair.
(but the wings were still white)
Author notes
by OutsideTheMirror
image (c) -ButterflyCuts-
"floating above the bed" (c) -ButterflyCuts-
*note- seraphim are said to have 6 wings; they use 2 to cover their face, 2 to cover their feet, and 2 to fly
First draft, so it's still rough. I want to work on the flow a little bit- any suggestions?
A contest entry
- Angel~~ by -ButterflyCuts-.
375 points, ended April 2, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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well, I think the flow is fine...the only critique I have is that seraphim are said to cover their eyes because they always hover around the throne of God and cannot look upon his face; and they cover their feet just as Moses was told to take his shoes off before the person of God...but I doesn't suppose it matters. There are three different kind of angels though; some are messengers..
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hmm... I didn't know why they covered their eyes and feet- thanks for the interesting tidbit of info :]
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Good luck yo!
~bad resln
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I love that final stanza- the first one is a little weak.. be more adventurour maybe?
And the italic stanza is nice-- you have a very nice idea, but it isn't expressed poetically..
That's my advice but this is a nice piece
thanks
jes
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