Traipsing the parched arid desert
roaming hopeless and afraid,
skeleton defined through hanging skin
past caring of global aid.
Sanity lost along the way
together with hope, trust and faith.
What God pronounced all men are equal?
What God made man like a wraith?
Food is not now what I hunger
or a haven of volunteers,
my want is my final breath and shed,
absolutely, no more tears.
Author notes
Absolutely no tears
A contest entry
- 26 letters, 26 enteries Number 2 by SensualWhispers.
600 points, ended April 13, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
Haunting and ever so true are your words. Death and dying are wrenched of tears because what's the use. The demise of so many is over-shadowed by the greed of so many more. This poem is poignant. The rhymes are stellar and use words that are not often seen in rhyme. I think you did a splendid job on this work poet.
"What God pronounced all men are equal?
What God made man like a wraith?"
These questions will no doubt stay with me throughout the day. The God of all, great and small formed us to be a helpmate to one another but surely there are those that see that not. When we allow one to die of starvation whilst we sit with full bellies is the measure of man. I do hope, for the sake of future generations these selfish behaviors of humanity evolve into generous acts of kindness. I could go on but won't. A very thought-inducing work you have here. My pleasure to have read and enjoyed.
Many Blessings ♥
Renee
-
YIKES!
the first stanza just is morbid almost. You've done a great job with this poem and the way you wrote it. It is sad, yet creatively not so. Excellent job on this poem with the title. Thanks for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. kassie -
Interesting! The last line really emphasizes the entire poem, and its very unique and creative. This is very good! Kudos to you my fellow poet. ^__^
-
This is nice. I like the picture. It really went well with this poem. The flow of this was really lovely and I adore the rhyme scheme. All in all, this is a wonderful write. Keep up the good work and best of luck to you in the contest.
Love always,
Kristen ♥ -
NICE
What a cool picture to go with your awesome poetic penning you have whipped up here. It has some sad imagery and a lot of truth to it. ou are very good at expressing your feelings. I sooooo enjoyed reading and commenting on your fine piece of work. keep on penning
POETDONTKNOWIT -
Wow this is an amazing write. just b e a u t i ful!!!
I wish my poems could flow like that,but alas im not as talented as i'd wish.Eccelent wording.
Please RETURN THE FAVOR, PLEASE -
WoW! As I read through the lines here I was thinking to myself that this could actually have more than one application, depending on the thought process of the reader as well as the ability to look outside the obvious. Great job!
♥ Touchof1der -
I know that feeling of wanting to shed no more tears. I loved this presentation. It was kind of grim, but got the point across nicely. good job.
-
Great verbage. Beautifully done. Good luck in the contest!
-
Nice background, and complimentary picture.
The euphony and rhythm leaves a lot to be desired.
Syllable counts on the 1st and 2nd stanzas suggest no underlying pattern, and the 3rd confirms it.
"Desired!? Pah! I write poetry, not crosswords!", one might respond. But to elevate the mind of the reader to insight which prose lacks, such are very useful. Even euphony is a common prose device. And rhythm.Now, content.
"Traipsing"? I am a near starving wastrel and I'm 'traipsing'?
"Sanity lost" - are you sure one would not gain sanity? It is a common experience among the starving and exhausted that clarity of insight is gained, not lost.
"What god..equal?" - none, I believe: it was the American Declaration of Independance, if I recall correctly, and that was written by humanists who, had they their druthers, would have banned the Church altogether. ["In God We Trust" was not on American currency until the 1950's, and the 'Eye in the Triangle' may simply be the US President standing above factional politics].Seperation of Church and State anyone?
"no more tears": true, all too true. But self-pity would long ago have fled, one might think.
"hopeless" & "lost..hope": repetition is a useful poetic device, but unthinking repetition is vanity ('tis true, some say "All poetry is vanity." (
) ).
Overall, a Western bourgeois tinge to an experience with curiously Christian leanings (but not altogether unexpected, of the latter). I read a Zimbabwe Governement newspaper, on-line, the other day: it certainly opened my eyes to the way they, at least , were thinking.
I applaud the subject matter, and the half-effective evocation of sympathy-toward.
-
This is really good. It is really deep and full of meaning. You captured society today so easily with this poem. I like the rhyming. It flowed very well. I also like your use of vocabulary. I love learning new words. Great job.
Alyssa
-
Awesome
Wow, this is great! I love your writing!!!
-
i like how you can portray the sadness and you get an image in your head...good job!
-
You have an amazing talent for writng so openly and honestly about any and every topic you choose. There is a very real sadness to this poem in that so many people die in this way, want to die because they have no will to go on. You've touched my heart.
-
Brilliant...
My goodness what an amazing piece of poetry-I absolutley loved this.Your word choice is so incredibly fitting with the scene portrayed,it just made it so very real for me!Well done and good luck!
-
The last stanza really depicts the loss of hope and the desire to rest eternally without concern of redemption. All that's left is the wanting to feel no more. Powerful statement question God's intentions and "wraith" painted an excellent picture. Thanks for sharing
-
AMAZING.
After reading this poem all i could say was WOW. ITs very deep, you are a very good poet. keep it up. -
strong and makes me just think alot, lol, i think you have done a strong job on this, i mean it flowed well and mixed with he pic. the feel was also just amazing, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
-
wow!!!! this is a very good write. i wish you the best of luck in this contest we have entered. thank you for sharing it with me. the words go perfect with the picture you have posted. viyanna rosemarie
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
