no one really thought about it
no one really cared
it was my birthday
and i spent it in tears
i've rarely told my secret
bit by bit
scared that I'll be jugded
scared no one gives a shit
i held back my secret for so many years
being picked on for not being a virgin
being kicked and spit on
no one really knows my story
I keep it locked away
i don't want people to know my story
cause I know exactly what they'll say.
Author notes
having someone tell you that you look beautiful when you cry as they take away your innocence as a young girl, there really is nothing more painful then trying to hide it, because if you reveal it, then you're a monster.
A contest entry
- Skeletons in the Closet? by XHollowXEyesX.
800 points, ended June 2, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I understand
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this is such a sad and depressing piece of poetry that you have here. The message that you are portraying, is so... personal and unfortunatley it is the truth on how you feel, the last stanza really gets to me alot. I still havent told my family of my abusive past as I know exactly how they are going to react.
But you are not the monster. You have a strong heart and alot of talent.
Thankyou for entering.
All the best
~Hollow~
p.s if you ever need to talk I am here. -
brings me to tears....
I can relate to this. I suffered child sexual abuse at my babysitters' house when I was 5. I was abused by a teenager. I don't have a lot of memory of it, but what I haven't repressed is vivid. I can still recall being locked in a bathroom with this sick teenager. He terrified me and my bigger brother, who was just 8. To this day, I don't know if my older brother was abused in the way I was. There were two teenage boys living there, and the youngest one was abusing me.
Thank God, my dad took us out of there, although he never found out about the sex abuse. He took us away the moment he confonted my brother about a dark bruise on his arm. My brother admitted being grabbed by the arm, but he was too scared to tell about what was happening to me. We were both too terrified to tell anyone. It's a very painful memory, but whenever I see someone courageous enough to share their own painful past, I find a way to share mine. It's so important to talk about, as difficult as it is. Thank you, Crystal. I am so sorry for what you went through. No one should ever be treated with such cruelty. I repressed my memories until I was in my early twenties, finally old enough to handle it.
I talked about it with my son when he was 8. I wanted him to know that he and his sister can always come to me, no matter what. The thought of anyone going through just a fraction of what you went through is really heartbreaking. I have trouble trusting anyone to watch my children, other than my own family and close friends. I don't know what I would do, honestly, if someone abused either of my children anywhere near what happened to me. I'd probably end up in prison.
Knight70
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The poem shows real pain and hurt. The people who matter except things and the people do not do not matter.
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This is a truly great poem with so much feeling and emotion. I am very sorry to hear that you have had to go through this, but in the end believe in yourself. The person that did this to you is the monster and the people that mock you are not any better. They are monters themselves. Keep on writing as it helps to get all thats in your head out. Well done for this wonderful write.
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OK
First of all, I'm sorry this happened to you but I disagree with you when you say you're a monster. It is the other way around.
However, I'd like to offer my comment on your poem, all emotion aside. Don't take it personally if you feel it is negative, I'm trying to be constructive and give you points.
The first stanza is very good. The second one I found it a bit strange, "rarely told [...] it bit by bit". maybe you could insert in the beginning of line 2: "I'm beginning to" or "though I will".
I read stanza three as 4 lines (being picked on / for not being a virgin) and find no fault there. If you want to break up the stanzas with a 3-line stanza there, I feel like it's quite okay given the context.
Stanza four is ok as well. However, rhyming story with story is pretty awkward. Which bring me to the rhyme which is non-existend in stanza one, good in stanzas two and three but having additional 1-3 line rhyme in stanza four.
If you fix this, you will have a much better poem.
Oh, and I love the title. -
This is a very deep and sad poem that you have written here
First of all I'd like to say that I'm sorry you had to deal with these things when you were a little girl, and still have to fight off the nasty memories that are burned in your mind forever
Second of all, I have no idea why people would think of you as a monster when they learn to know the full story that's behind your eyes
I wouldn't link that at all, or maybe that is because one of my best friends has gone through the same things like you...
I wish you a lot of strength for this, eventually you'll get through it all!
Leander -
that is true...very sad...I have never personally gone through it but I still feel terrable if that happened to someone. I hope things get better for you in any and every way possible.
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Good Write
Thanks for entering my contest, goood luck.... -
bravo bravo it captured me i like it
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