some people know how I feel.
But a lot of them don't.
there's a seat beside me that is empty to a normal eye.
but there are things,
things that no one else can see
there is someone there
its the devils spirit its talking yelling, crying but no-one can hear.
he's asking me why I am not dead yet
why I haven't passed the bottle
the bottle filled with lies
I say nothing
the devils spirit stands up
and says one last thing
I'll see you in hell and then turns around,
laughs
then turns around to me one last time
still laughing and says
oh wait your all ready there
your life is full of lies
you'll never be happy
you'll never be free you
should have died long time ago
and when you tried to kill yourself
you messed up
you were saved
you didn't die
whats wrong with you
how can you fail to die
your dad was right you are a mistake
then I look up I ask if the devils spirit is done
and he says why what do you have to say nothing you say will change what I think of you then I stand up with fire, anger, and sadness in my eyes
and I speak up and say maybe
I finally did something right staying alive to defeat you and I will too someday live in happiness
and I will never go to hell
for I am an angel of God
and I care not what you or anyone else's thinks of me
and i care not what my dad says of me
for he is not a child of God and is living in sin
yes he might be right
I might be a mistake
but thats not his or yours judgment to make its not even mine
its God's
and God makes no mistakes
so there beat that
oh wait thats right you cant
because I have defeated you
so go back to hell where you belong
the devil spirit says no
I will kill you someday
and I will drag you to hell if I have too
I turn around and walk away from whats standing in front of me
trying to choke me trying to kill me for this is
the end
A contest entry
- Be inspired by Dark Ark.
430 points, ended March 26, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - How Are You Feeling? ((PRE-WRITES ALLOWED!)) by A Murderous Lament.
390 points, ended April 28, 2007, 167 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING! Seriously ANYTHING! by A Murderous Lament.
390 points, ended April 2, 2007, 75 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hit Me With Your Best Shot (Pre-writes allowed) by Dark Whispers.
315 points, ended April 2, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark & Simple by Xxxxxxxxx.
666 points, ended April 17, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best!!! by KnightOfTheRose.
425 points, ended May 25, 2007, 135 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lets Slit Our Wrists To Perfection by ShotgunGoddess.
1500 points, ended April 21, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - &&; this one is for anything. by animated lies.
850 points, ended April 27, 2007, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can you write Dark poetry? by juliex-exotic shine.
475 points, ended April 28, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A CONTEST OF EVERYTHING by Darc Soul.
490 points, ended May 11, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me feel. . . anything. by Cavca.
500 points, ended May 21, 2007, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hurt by Stevie17Marie.
300 points, ended July 8, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything. by Sonofdead.
800 points, ended June 26, 2007, 138 entries
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400 points, ended November 14, 200 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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there are so many poems of you
and I havn't read half even and i have to go
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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It sounds more like talking than poetry, but it's a good thought. Good luck.
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Hhhmmm
I hear what you are trying to say; it is a powerful message, indeed. I agree w/ many of the other comments, though; if you broke this up into sentances or stanzas it would aid the reader quite a bit. I get the sense that you are, perhaps, purposely letting this "ramble," a bit like a free-fall. I think, perhaps, your intent was to express all of this emotion coming out & at the reader like a train barrelling out of control? I could be wrong, but that's the feeling I get. I just wanted to say that this is very powerful, but I do not think that breaking this up into sentances and/or stanzas would hurt the message and power of this poem. I believe that the power of your words could stand on their own.
You expressed your pain very well.
***Rae***
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This is a good write, but I think it would be much better if you seperated it into lines, and used more punctuation. It would be alot more focused. Other than that, it was great. Thanks for entering and good luck.
xx Julie.
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I like this but as said previously it would be better if you would space it out into lines not one long paragraph but thats something that can be easily fixed otherwise very well done good job
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This would be much easier if it was not in a paragraph... It was slightly overwhelming thanks to that fact. Thank you for entering my contest.
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good job! I really liked this! it is a lot more like a paragraph then a poem but either way it was well written and I greatly enjoyed reading it!!!! excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!
-Steve- -
Wow
This is a brilliant write, was a little put of at first coz its more a paragraph than a poem but when i read it i was hooked, i can totally relate to this poem and i think many out there could, we all toy with the devils voice at some point in our live. At least you're one of the strong ones that managed to defete him.
x
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This is excellent! What a great write on how to defeat Satan! Satan hates us to stand with God because he knows he can;t win. Your heart was truly in this one!
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This is an intense piece of poetry. I have mixed fillings about it. It reads more as a rant than as poetry really. Anything to get things off your mind.
Sam
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lol, have ya won yet with this piece ?
i liek the show of strenght and courage in standing up to an enemy thats greater than yourself.
be back on the 18th to read this again
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i didnyt like how it was in paragrph from [it would be easier to read if it wasnt] but overall this is really good. thanx for entering and good luck
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you tell him standup sor ya self and what you believe all the power to yeah
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Great.
Awesome. Great. Don't like the paragraph form though. Good feeling
A MURDEROUS LAMENT <\33 -
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a great poem.This is one more battle Satan has not won.I really like it big sis.Great job and good luck in both your contests. -
Excellent
This is a very powerful piece of work here, you have done a great job, thank you for sharing and keep them coming.
raingoddess -
WOW!
Very powerful and amazing scenes in this one! A very gripping piece that grabs the reader's attention in a very big way. Took a lot to read this but I am glad I did. So emotional for me. Keep up the great work! Smiles, Terry
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Wow, creepy...
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damn good lil DI
might end the devils grip with a PERIOD tho 
stay tuff...n tell the devil i said hi...he jus might loosen up on ya n reflect back to when i shoved that pitchfork up his ass to beat my CANCER 14 years ago bet u never knew the devil didnt have horns til that day did ya
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thank you daddy
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amazing
This write made me think of someone in my life who has hurt me for as long as i can remember. it... brought real meaning to me. This piece was beautiful. You expressed your emotions freely and you expressed them in a way that was unique to your situation but was so well written anyone could read this and feel something from it. the writing, was something i usually wouldn't read because i don't usually read poems in 'story' form (what i call it) however, something drew me to it. I loved your characterization throughout the story.
Lets see.... how to improve... I guess the only think i'd have to say for you to improve would be read it and just edit with your emotions...
Brava
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Intense!
These are indeed some tough days for you are in a spiritual battle that many go through. It is not a fun thing and you would not have it if the old father of lies had won. Thats why he buggs you.. It will pass when you do as you have and tell him I am a child of the Almighty God in Heaven and you I rebuke inthe name of Jesus. He lost along time ago and hates losing. You ahve kicked him in the butt saying I don't have time for you nor other ignorant individuals like you. Be gone... This write is an intense display of the father of lies and his motley crew trying to break you down with lies. Don't give them the time of day. Your time is directed to more important things that do not include his CRAP. You have aready won my little buddy. He just don't like that fact. You are strong and determined to be a recognized child of the Almighty God in Heaven. None of us are perfect as some would like for you to beleive. We will be perfect the second we go home to God on His time choice, not ours nor the enemy's. I am proud of you for being a little fighter that will stand up and tell them they are barking up the wrong tree. My wonderfully loving Granddaughter has so much to look forward too and I your caring Grampa will be with you in spirit and in heart. By the way being a rebel with a cause you take after me. That is why I am your favorite Grampa you know!!!! Love you little buddy. Be strong in mind and heart. Grampa Don
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wow so many emotions, but the one that stands out the most is hatered and sadness. In a way it shows alot of regret and emptiness aswell. very powerful write. it was a bit hard to read in a few places [from lack of full stops] but a very empowering write. very enjoyable read, I felt excited [in a way] as it got better and better as i was reading through it. your poem reminds me of something but I can't quite think what it reminds me of. Your a very good writer, keep it up xShadx
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very powerful indeed. This has sooo much life and emotion behind what is actually said. But sometimes one has to be willing to sacrifice what other think of u and beat it down. Dont let him win, fight for what is rightfully urs... happiness in life. ANd dont listen to it, listen to whats inside of ur and ur heart thats the way to go. Blessed be girl... keep on writing.
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a story... cool
its a bit hard to read in some places but i get the feeling put behind it. Its very powerful.
good write
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