I'm hiding and waiting
and now I am taking time
She losing
crashing
and just about lashing out
at what she could once call mine.
Wheres her savior
her patron
surrounded by fakes
and liars
You only care
youre the only one there
willing to cure your despair.
You will abhore
what your habits adore
and find angst dropping
into the floor
You just want to stop it
and maybe you'll rob it
of power
but she's showered in loathing
it seeps through her clothing and forcefully bites at her skin
It's almost over
no parent
or clover
could stop what they've so long ignored
1 or 2 years she got left of tears
and then she can no longer make it
too tired and broken
to fake it
anymore
She's hiding
and waiting
She hiding
and breaking
although she was faking
now
she's gone.
Author notes
rough draft What do you think? Critiques? love it? Hate it? How do you interpret this?
In a list
A contest entry
- Prewrite Phenomenon #4 by Ryno.
300 points, ended March 30, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Intense. Tip; you may want to consider left-alligning this. Think it would do good for the format. Superb write with raw emotion. Thanks for entering prewrites, best wishes.
~Ryan~ -
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Yea, I kind of like the left allignment better.
thanks!
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oh...my...fucking...god! that was so awesome!! i really like this one.
<3 "jube jube"
p.s. ick...you've gotten me into the habit of responding to that stupid nick-name!! <3
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J'adore cette poem! c'était une piece incroyable. I think so many people can relate to this so thats why its awsome. in the beggining shes talking about herself and then in the end she's reflecting back at her life? that's the vibe i got.anyway tell me if im righto or wrongo please.
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I really just wanted to hear what people thought. Your interpretation is close to mine
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omfg ceecee! this is awesmo! deff boomarking it! i noticed you spelled Liars wrong though. it's still uber sexx anyways.
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I liked it. there's a couple spelling/grammer errors, but no big deal. the poem itself is really good; i've always loved your writing. this poem reaches out on a personal level
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Chrissy this is incredible.
I always say that, but this is especially good.
I just... I love it.
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