And when I break
You won't care
And if I fall
You won't be there
And if I bleed
You'll just laugh at me
And when I scream...
You won't give a damn
I'm so beautifully broken
Screaming into the night
These chains keep me alive
But I can't stop the bleeding
I'm so beautifully broken
Calling out your name
You pretended to care
Though tomorrow you won't be there
You pretended to love
Though tomorrow you won't care
You pretended to be
All that I needed
You lied to me then
And lied again as I died
I'm so beautifully broken
Screaming into the night
These chains keep me alive
But I can't stop the bleeding
I'm so beautifully broken
Calling out your name
You told me you were mine forever
But tomorrow you won't be there
You said you'd love me forever
But tomorrow you won't care
And I lay here dying
But all you can say is
"It's not my fault,"
Well, boy, all I know is...
I'm so beautifully broken
Screaming into the night
These chains keep me alive
But I can't stop the bleeding
I'm so beautifully broken
Calling out your name
And when I break
You won't care
And if I fall
You won't be there
And if I bleed
You'll just laugh at me
And when I scream...
You'll pretend you don't hear
Author notes
This is one I wrote, after I tried to commit suicide. The "chains" are like all of my friends, I felt like I had to keep living for them; even if I didn't really want to.
Option 5.
A contest entry
- A love lost by AutomaticAtaxia.
600 points, ended April 11, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me feel it... by Vera Jewel.
500 points, ended April 14, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything !! ( a truthwriter's contest ) by sweethelper.
300 points, ended April 22, 2007, 145 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Alone.....Prewrites allowed by LoveNeverDies.
370 points, ended May 17, 2007, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - HOW LYRICAL ARE YOU? by SecretMe15.
750 points, ended May 21, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - pick and choose your dark side by SoftlyScreaming.
600 points, ended June 20, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lyrics Lyrics....give me lyrics by Tefnut.
425 points, ended July 9, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Heartbroken by Love-Lee.
300 points, ended January 1, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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This is powerful
I really like it, the raw emotion is amazing, I love the repetition in it. It has a very Evanesecense feel to it. Awesome job. -
Wow...absolutely stunning work. So powerful and sad. Seriously amazing, you really deserved to win gold with this one, so full of raw emotion. Keep up the awesome work!
Madison xoxo -
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Thanks so much, glad you liked it.
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wow,that makes me feel like im stuck in the abyss of my own pai
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umm wow
Now...I get it
I was confused about the chains metaphor
this is quite the haunting write
Nice
good luck in my contest
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for starters im going to need your sn or you will be DQ'd - this was a lovely poem, so full of energy and i could tell that you felt betrayed by whomever you were talking to. im glad something kept you living, because the way your putting it, i wouldn't be able to have lived, and thats saying something.. god luck in the contest.
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gezzz
You pretended to care
Though tomorrow you won't be there
i love these two lines the most
and babe this is such a wounderful poem,
i hope things with you are alright....*gina*
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Thank you & things are okay with me =]
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It was okay. You repeated each verse the same way/similar to what you wrote in the other verses. I really liked the first verse though. After that, it just didn't catch my attention.
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Okay thanks.
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hey i like your poem in fact i love it. u rightfully deserved first! good job
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Thank you. <3
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"And when I break
You won't care
And if I fall
You won't be there
And if I bleed
You'll just laugh at me
And when I scream...
You won't give a damn"
That is the best entering verse for this piece. Excellent excellent excellent. The ending is brilliant too.
You know, this would be great a a song, the intro and ending could easily be put into a slow and haunting lullaby form and the rest could speed up, especially this part "I'm so beautifully broken
Screaming into the night
These chains keep me alive
But I can't stop the bleeding
I'm so beautifully broken
Calling out your name" definetly a chorus there. I can see this being a major rock piece and even a bit gothic rock...
Excellent work. I've not got many points but you deserve them. Three clappy dudes for you.
SLAM.
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Thankies thankies!! I'm working on someone writing a song for it actually, hehe. My friend writes her own music, and my boyfriend is in a band... so yeah. It's a work in progress.
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Thank you for entering.
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WOW
Breathtaking! I love this poem so much, I keep reading it over and over again. I'm definitely going to bookmark it
I loved the repeating stanzas! In some poems it's just annoying, but here it fits perfectly! You have an amazing way of using your words in this. Beautiful!
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Awwwe, thanks so much. That's so sweet. I'm glad you like it, it's one of my favorites too. <33
And the repeating stanzas are the chorus actually, because my friend is gonna make it into a song for me. =DD
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Wow, this is so very emotional and powerful, i loved the repeating of how your beautifully broken,and the chains, this is a great write. Best of luck in the contest.
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Most emotionally packed and very well done! Wow! Intense write this is! Thank you for sharing and welcome to all poetry!
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A very great piece fullof emotiions. You were able to create a beautiful piece out of the darkness. A seemingly pitch black moment of reminiscence.
My favorite lines:
I'm so beautifully broken
Screaming into the night
These chains keep me alive
But I can't stop the bleeding
I'm so beautifully broken
Calling out your name
I can feel the sadness shrouding in this piece.
"Beautifully broken-
my heart bleed
like yours.
Auspicious you arefor I am
Sepulchred in death's embrace"
Just my thought.
Thanks for sharing and see you around.
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Oh Kitty, you know I love this poem. My favorite line ever is probably "these chains keep me alive". I know the place where this comes from so it means a whole lot to me.
Welcome to allpoetry and keep up the great writing! <3
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