Tears are flowing
Anger is overwhelming
My rage is starting
Your stuff is hitting the walls
Glass is breaking all around us
Screaming is all we hear
Walking and slamming doors is what you do
Sitting and crying is what I do
Fighting is all we do
A contest entry
- Tired of Being Judged? by Heavens Child.
600 points, ended September 1, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Laugh ( Adult 18+ ) by Jfd.
300 points, ended September 9, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything by californiagirl.
300 points, ended September 20, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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You could certainly strengthen this by choosing better, less cliched words and images, and also by using the active voice, since your current passive construction weakens your already feeble words.
For example, "we hear screams," "screams echo," or some other construction, not simply the bland "screaming is all..." and such.
Yes, you do write for yourself, but do you value your thoughts at all? -
Interesting poem. Different from a lot of things I've read before. Thank you for your entry.
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I can't find the humor in this at all. I'm not sure if its really meant for my contest.
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A strong depiction of anger out of control. We seem to fight the hardest with the ones we love the most. Thank you for the entry in my contest.
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very tru to the point of what fights cause
a wonderful write that describes this
well done
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Wow! another strong write here. You have a way of reminding us of how NOT to fight! We all need to remember what brought us together and find a way of rekindleing that, and find a way of slowing down the divorce rate in this country. Thanks for the little reminder.
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SPECTACULAR!!
This is a SPECTACULAR piece of writting so real and
so very true! written so very well! I can relate so
very much to your write! Thank You!
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