Not letting my insecurity
shine through
Giving advices
letting people believe
that I know what I do
Make them see
how I don’t care
about what people think
Big fat lies
My mind doesn’t seem to realize
the greatness of my advice
Convincing everyone but me
I lie to myself
don’t you see?
I need more than I show
That hug, that kiss
priceless
I need people to ask me
more than once how I really feel
maybe someone cares
Sit and listen
ignore stupid words
coming out of my mouth
Listen to my soul
maybe you can do a better job than I do
I allowed myself
to get lost in the maze
Keeping the exit sign
out of my sight
As I confuse myself
listening to the words
people have told me
I care, and I need
not as independent
as I want to believe
Every time you tell me
your dreams for our future
I can see
When you open my eyes with your words
important
sexy
beautiful
for the moment
a part of me feels
just like that
the green light
from the exit sign
gives me relief
I may look at the world
and say why it’s wrong
I tell you how to fix it
but when it comes to me
I’m blinded by the words
someone left in my soul
Author notes
Raven judges: I've got the promotional code 134
A contest entry
- ANYTHING! Seriously ANYTHING! by A Murderous Lament.
390 points, ended April 2, 2007, 75 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - General: Free Verse, Rhyme and Everything Else by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I think that this is a very honest write, and if it isn't, please leave me to that dillusion. I like how you portrayed the assuredness of yourself to others, yet let the reader know you are not the self assured.
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The only flaw I can see advice is a noun, does not use s. Not unless your are saying advise there is still no s. Timidity describes insecurity I had to look that word up I do not see it use too often. The context and content is very good. I get the feeling the poem is leading to an exit sign. This is very creative and fresh idea.The last three sentence gives food for thought.I'm blinded by the words someone left in my soul. The words we use negative or positive stay with a person.There a moment in time theme going though this write.I agree with the other judge it needs some work.All poems need polishing it a part of the creative process.To me it not about lack of self esteem. It has a more reflective feel to it.I think this represent an age old conflict to fix it or let it be. It shows how really human we are. No one has a great self esteem all the time. I think real growth comes from these reflective times.It kind of remind me of myth versus fact. This is very well done.
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I lie to myself
don’t you see?
I need more then I show
That hug, that kiss
priceless
i think we all do this at times...great write good luck in contest
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This is the first piece of the contest that has somehow convinced me of its value as I have moved along in reading it. Most of the impacting works have been either terrible from the start and never getting any better, or great from the beginning through the end. This work sort of started out nowhere and got progessively more clear as I went along, not unlike approaching a road sign, difficult to read from a distance.
There were two aspects specifically that stuck out to me, although interestingly neither were covered already by my fellow judge. I was interested first off in the adjective section. Your clever placement of the words gave them both pause and an "out there in the world" feeling that makes them hit home in a very impacting way. This is one of the few times in the contest that formatting has meant anything at all to me. Secondly, I felt that your employment of the "exit sign" metaphor was a perfect use of the poetic device that revealed a true connection between author and subject matter.
I have very little bad to say about this effort, at all, actually. I'll trust my learned co-judge to have taken care of any grammar issues in true form. Contest-wise this is a satisfying write, filled with personal connection to me as I remember, with some bleak regard, my youth.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das
(Promotional code 134, judge 2.) -
In my opinion the author of this piece of work has created an all-consuming feeling of loss and confusion which is ultimately followed by lack of self esteem and the desire to find security through the words of others, yet all the time hiding behind a façade of false bravado so clearly demonstrated in the line “Convincing everyone but me”. While they realise they are doing it, they also feel there is no escape from it and also allow confusion to reign by churning over the thoughts of other people. They want to be listened to, be loved and accepted for who they are, yet know they need support from someone else to find the ultimate goal of happiness. Some small part of that emerges in the lines “Every time you tell me / your dreams for our future / I can see / When you open my eyes with your words”. The author intimates that while she is able to help others, she is unable to help herself and the last line concludes the work with the reason for that.
I think there are a couple of grammatical errors in this poem that could be easily corrected, ‘advices’ should be “advice” and ‘then’ should be “than”. The graphology of the poem lends extra emphasis to the content, thus allowing the deep emotion to be felt in what would otherwise be a very standard piece of writing. I feel is a positive step for the author to have taken.
(promotional code 134 noted)
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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YOU WIN!!!!!
WOW YOU PUT MY OWN HEAD AND SOUL IN YOUR WORK I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO FELT THIS WAY THANK YOU FOR SHARING
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This is great. Reminds me of myself in many ways, and I thought the ending lines were a wonderful finish...very powerful.
Wishes you lots of luck in the contest!
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Poetic abstraction it is what I seek
My mind tends to wander and how I must wonder why I never listen to the words of wisdom that sometimes even I speak.
Great job,love the poem and it makes you think how one is to exit that proverbial maze.
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Wow.
Great poem. Leaves me wondering and thinking. Good good. -Adds to finalists-
A MURDEROUS LAMENT <\33 -
This is wonderful. You've formatted it so well to get your tragic and intended meaning across. Very abstract a original voice behind it. Great job.
~Ryan~
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I think you mean "than" where it says "more then once how I really feel" but besides that I think my favorite part is "Listen to my soul, Maybe you can do a better job than I do" (theres a than in there too)... but yeah I guess I see your point with the whole exit sign thing. makes sense we kind of yield sometimes and then we go on green and stop in red... yep..
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