HUNGER
BY ROBERT DAVIDSON
I die disappointed
I want her - this mad desire
I cannot still this hunger in my heart
Oh God, - it makes me crazy wanting her
Lying in wait for her
Longing for her every moment of the day and night
Once we put our mouths together
Each tasting, touching - but bruising the other
For love stings more than it consoles
Somehow the unattainable puts a stronger accent on desire
Men often fancy what is withheld -
So mad this craving
Like a famished wolf on prey
I could rip every stitch off that girl -
Yet I would give my soul to graft my heart on hers,
Go the full mile, enter and consume …
But we must all die disappointed of something, I guess
Love’s a skeleton from which we’ve picked the flesh!
She’s bit me to the bone.
Copyright 2006
www.robertdavidson.blogsource.com
A contest entry
- Hey Broken Baby Options! (Prewrites Allowed) by KittieLyyn.
480 points, ended April 18, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Blank Cheque by sca.
1000 points, ended April 20, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pillow Talk ( For members who've not won a contest) by CookieZeal.
600 points, ended June 3, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Seekers of Love, Paradise, or Peace by Wandering Spirit.
600 points, ended May 6, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~***~ Mixed Emotions ~***~ by SizzyFid.
450 points, ended May 25, 2007, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - + I'll Never Stop Loving You + by ThatONEweirdChick.
900 points, ended December 31, 2007, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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the ending left me hanging a little bit but! this had a really good flow to it and amazing imagery! great poem and i wish you good luck in my twin's contest. Merry Christmas!
~Dommi -
Hmm... this poem is very good. I like the flow of it and the imagery used. Kinda got lost towards the end, but maybe that could be lack of sleep talking. Nice emotion, did I already say good imagery? Haha, thanks for entering my contest and best of luck to you.
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Written with passion ...
I loved the strong auditive words emotionally connected to each other like: her, desire, hunger, together, the other ... These are almost gutteral words, read out by my South African tongue that is ... Very sensual.
Ah, such a passionate phrase: I would give my soul to graft my heart on hers ... With words like crazy and craving you leave the reader no doubt that you are madly in love!
Good usage of poetic devices, the alliterative bit to the bone; the simple yet effective reinforcing rhyme of her with her, for there is no better rhyming word to stress this compulsion!
This determination also showed in the repetition of I in in the first three lines -- stressing personal focusedness.
Good work. With the help of the amazing Cookie you may dig for diamonds in a poem that already shimmers!
Myra
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Hello there. A good contender. I see how
it's nearly an obsession which is what
the contest needs in its application.
Heavy.
"Once we put our mouths together
Each tasting, touching - but bruising the other
For love stings more than it consoles"<----- a hearty portion, true, wise.
*Technical Comments*
Is there a reason for the spacing? I know that there are certain vision problems that require that. My Mother, for instance. I just found it interesting.
This reads well, and I think with some balancing,
it could be even a better contender. See if you can't shine it up. If you have questions, please let one of us know!
Thank you for your entry.
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