blackwater leather on pale young skin,
abuse makes her a girl again.
I remember hot sun
and dust clogging the tears in my throat.
I remember the ponies that I rode,
bay, chestnut, grey; they blur together.
She said my mother couldn't watch my lessons,
that it made me scared to try new things.
It wasn't trying that I was scared of.
It was
blackwater leather on pale young skin,
terrify this girl again
attracting her attention by some youthful mistake
that scared me. Or worse,
my little sister snaring her evil eye.
Had to be a good big sister.
Had to protect the littles.
Again and again, over and over
I wonder that she never got tired of it.
Did it make her feel bigger? stronger? more, somehow?
Did it break through the alcohol daze
to see the whip fall?
blackwater leather on scared young skin
maybe she can feel again
I remember so little good from her.
Mostly, the good came from the ponies.
Odd, that they knew when to run away
to carry us away, to protect us.
And in my dreams, I am ten years old again
with that woman coming towards me
but this time, there is no pony,
this time, I'm all alone
blackwater leather still on my skin
I never will be whole again.
Author notes
It took me over a decade to be able to write this.
A contest entry
- Revisit Your Past... by Miss Faerie.
525 points, ended April 4, 2007, 24 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Thank you for entering
I am sorry... I read into this and don't want to address what is behind it, considering how long it took you to write... What I will say is your imagery is vivid and the repetition is well done and effective
Faerie
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This must have been a difficult poem to write! It's so hard to share personal experiences like that, and you have done it very well. Your imagery is very strong; you really take the reader to the incident, yet I still feel like it's more or less a third party view. This may have something to do with the fact that I've never experienced what you have, or you may be holding some personal emotion back, which is understandable, considering. I almost feel most of the emotion coming from the 'dominatrix' (sorry, I have no background in most of what this poem is literally about). I really love the last two lines. Good luck in the contest, and I commend you on your courage to write this.
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I hope you honored the person you have become with this. It's well written and a bit hypnotizing. I don't know if the lesson is; "Never go horseback riding with a dominatrix." But it's probably not a good idea anyway. Unless you're in to that sort of thing.
Take care. -
I think that even without the end two lines, this would have a large impact to end. Maybe even a bigger impact.
Excellent piece, I especially loved the lines:
"Odd, that they knew when to run away
to carry us away, to protect us."
Good luck in the contest
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Oh my the pain in this though understated with the metaphor of the good memory of the horses, is felt so vividly that I could hear it on the skin, feel the breeze of it all. It is good to be able to finally remove it from your mind and pen it, even if it is just for an instant. It is therapy that only a writer knows how to do.
and kudos to your bravery. Love, C
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